Cry Until You Bleed

55- Coming Home

Everyone is silent for a long while because Sienna is the only other person at this table who doesn't hate Peter so they're all so unhappy that I decided to invite Peter, which was expected.

"I still don't understand why you insist on sticking up for this guy," Penn speaks up.

"You don't have to understand," I tell him. "But he's my brother and I think that's a good enough reason to not abandon Peter. I mean, if you messed up a little bit, you wouldn't want me to give up on you, would you?"

"Ana, he didn't just 'mess up a little bit'," He says, obviously angry about this whole idea. "You know what he's done, he's complete scum."

"Well, hello to you too, little brother," Peter ironically walks into the conversation as he approaches the table.

I grin and stand up to greet my brother with a hug. "Hi, Peter. Thank you so much for coming."

"Hey, Ana. Of course. I feel so welcome here," He tells me sarcastically as we both take our seats again at the table, everybody else looking incredibly uncomfortable. I hope that they get over this quick or this is going to be an awkward dinner.

"Penn is being a big baby," I say, giving Penn a pointed look as the waiter comes to take our drink order. He goes around the table and when he gets to me, I just order a water and he moves on before he finishes taking all of our orders and then walks away from the table.

"I'm not being a baby, I just don't think that this is the best way to celebrate your homecoming," Penn states with a dramatic sigh.

"Right, well I don't care," I tell him bluntly. "I love you and all, but I also love Peter and I want him to be here for what I have to say."

"Peter is shitty," Penn says quickly. "And you should realize that already. But, I mean, of course you don't hate him. You don't understand what he's been accused of."

"I don't understand?" I wonder with wide, incredulous eyes. Considering that Peter was accused of attacking his ex-girlfriend, I find it incredibly ironic that Penn just said that to me considering that I was also attacked in the same way. "Are you seriously saying that to me right now? Do you remember what started all of this madness? What made me crazy in the first place? Of course I know what he's being accused of. I know more about it than you ever will."

Again, I have silenced the whole table. Probably because they aren't so used to me being so open to referencing what had happened to me three and a half years ago but now that I've gone through the recovery and everything, I'm more capable of talking about it. Thanks to Dr. Lombardi.

Realizing that nobody else is going to speak if I don't, I decide that I should say something. "Anyway, that is a nice transition for the first thing that I wanted to talk about."

I pause for the waiter to come back and take our dinner orders and then when he walks away, I continue.

"I've been gone for months," I begin. "And I've changed a lot. Obviously. And one of the first things that I realized is that I have to be in control of my own life. I realize that your happiness is important to me and I love you all so much but to me, the most important thing is my happiness. I know that you all are just trying to protect me but you need to respect me enough to realize that I can make my own decisions. I have good judgment- I know what I can or cannot do. You just have to trust me. I get to decide who I talk to. I get to decide what I do with my time. I get to decide where I go. I. Get. To. Decide."

"Is this just about Peter or is it about Niles too?" Penn asks me after another long pause of thought.

"I haven't talked to Niles since the beginning of November, this isn't about him. But it's not just about Peter either. It's about me going to Paris in February and driving my own car and being able to carry a pocket knife around with me without people giving me the 'look'."