After All These YEARS

Thirty Two

June 25th, 1869.

I hate this, I hate this, I hate this. Why do I have to fucking lie to her every day? Why? I hate it. She's beautiful and special and a wonderful lover and I just can't tell her who I am or that I'm madly in love with her. If she marries him, she'll die. I want to tell her, I need to tell her, but I'm so afraid of losing what little I have of her. I feel so damn guilty all the time.

It's scandalous for a two women to be together in this day and age. In my time, things are different. I don't want to hide her. I want to walk down the street, holding her hand with a smirk on my face, knowing that I'm with the best damn woman in the world. That she loves me and I love her.

She makes me crazy, so crazy. It drives me nuts to see her with Suho. He's such an asshole. It sickens me to think she would marry him. "Her loving" husband, what a load of crap.

What she needs is a WIFE. Me. Me as her wife. I know, I'm no picnic to be around. But I love her with all my heart. I want to love her and protect her, tell her that she's my one and only. All that romantic stuff that.... normally I hate that romantic stuff. But she deserves that mushy stuff. Because she's special, that's why. We made love the other day. I just wanted to hold her.

What I really want. I want to tell her who I am. Tell her that I love her and always will. Then put a ring on her finger and make her my wife. I want to have her babies in me. Lots of babies and grow old together. Only She could make me think like that, want that. Only her. No one else, not ever.

That's why I love her so much.... so fucking much, it hurts.

Beside the rather crude language, Irene had never read a more heartfelt message of devotion and love in her life. It was absolutely beautiful and moved her emotionally. After reading it, she put down the book, put her hand over her mouth and quietly began to cry.

She read the other entries and they were much the same, Lisa wrestling with her guilt and at the same time, being madly in love.

Lisa at this point had woken up, with a hideous hangover. Her memory of the previous night was somewhat jumbled. She remembered the fight and drinking on the roof. But she half remembered Hyun holding her and saying something that sounded nice.

Lisa knew she was on the bed but alone. Frankly she didn't know what it meant and feared nothing had changed. Depressed and hung over, she got out of bed and quietly walked to the bathroom.

In the kitchen Irene who was so moved by Lisa and her writings, suddenly heard the shower come on.

"Lisa's up."

Irene needed to be with Lisa, more now than ever.

Lisa meanwhile stood in the shower, wondering how to face Irene.

All of a sudden she felt a pair of soft hands wrap around her midsection from behind and felt a naked body ever so gently press up against her.

Shocked Lisa turned around to see a naked Irene, with her in the shower. "What? Did something happen? I don't remember much."

Irene quickly took Lisa's hands in hers. "Yes, Yes. I know everything now. I died, you were so heartbroken you risked your life to come back and save me. You love me and you think I'm beautiful, you want to make me your wife and have babies with me. Though I really don't know how we can. I was so horrid to you Lisa, I'm so sorry, please forgive me. I love you."

Lisa's eyes opened wide as her mouth hung open for a full 5 seconds. Only then did a few bits of memory from last night come into focus. How Irene had found out she had died by reading the journals.

"You still love me?" Lisa said in way that sounded a lot like a plea.

Irene pressed her lips against Lisa's and initiated a rather sloppy but loving kiss. After the kiss broke, Irene nodded. "Yes I do love you."

Lisa instead of speaking pulled Irene into her arms and burst into tears of happiness. "I love you soo much. I wanted to tell you. I'm sorry...." Irene then put her finger over Lisa's lips.

"Stop apologizing Lili. I should apologize. I let my fear and desire to live in the past ruin things. I am so sorry. I just want to be with you."

Once again Lisa held Irene in the shower. Other than her splitting headache, Lisa was in heaven.

After a full minute of holding Irene Lisa broke the embrace, Kissed Irene and smiled. "To answer your question. We can have babies... sort of. And I want babies. I want your babies inside me. I want to.... wait. Attitudes to people like us have changed, a lot. We can be together, not just in secret. But in the open. Then we can be girlfriends, as we say. We can be girlfriends and get married. It's legal now, I'm serious. I'm sorry I'm getting ahead of myself but I'm just so happy. I'm sorry, I'm hung-over and babbling."

The thought of being Lisa's wife, was one that made Irene grin ear to ear. She then playfully kissed Lisa. "I'll let you court me. They do court people these days. Do they?"

Lisa laughed and nodded. "It's called dating, but yes."

"Good, we will date and be girlfriends. I've been taught that this is a sin but the way it makes me feel here... looking in your eyes, It can't be. And when you do decide to ask me." Irene then gently moved a wet strand of hair from Lisa's forehead. "I will say yes. I love you Lisa Manoban and always will."

"I love you too."

The pair looked deeply into each other's eyes, knowing they would never be apart, something that made them equally happy.

"Now, girlfriend." Irene said with a giggle. "Let me wash you." Irene said picking up the soap.

Lisa just smiled and closed her eyes. Irene then washed Lisa. But she did it very slowly and a rather sensual way, planting kisses at many point's on her body. The whole experience struck Lisa as intensely intimate. Then Irene washed Lisa's hair and held her happy but hung-over girlfriend, for a while longer.

Lisa then returned the favor and the pair got out of shower, got dressed and sat down on the couch in the living room.

"I will admit. I'm afraid of lots of things in this world. I will give it a chance, but I need your help." Irene said while taking Lisa's hand.

"I know it's scary, but I think you'll like it."

"How are you feeling? Your head."

Lisa rubbed her head. "I just took some aspirin, which is medicine, my headache will go away. But that doesn't matter."

"I would like to go out. Would you take me somewhere?"

"Sure, it's early, the farmers market is open. We can go there, get some stuff for salad for dinner. It's in the same spot as it used to be in your day."

"It is?"

"Yes, let's go."

A few minutes later the pair stepped onto the brightly lit street on beautiful Saturday morning. Lisa could see a few people already walking towards the farmers market and took Irene's hand.

A look of fear suddenly went through Irene's face but Lisa quickly calmed her. "No need to worry. It's ok. It's ok to like girls. It's ok for a woman to be in love with a girl. Please, be my official girlfriend Hyun."

Irene gripped Lisa's hand tighter, pushed her fear aside and smiled. "I'd love to. Lets' go."