The Very First Night (A Night With My Brother: Revised Edition)

Kabanata 4

"You were calling me in your sleep," he whispered. I could hear the smile in his face.

Pinilit kong kumawala upang matingnan siya. Hinayaan naman niya ako. Nang iangat ko ang sarili, saka ko lang nalaman na may suot na akong damit. I was wearing a white oversized shirt. Siguradong kay Kuya ang damit na ito.

"How are you feeling?" tanong niya sa akin. Hinalikan niya ng isang beses ang aking pisngi. Ang kamay naman niya ay hinahaplos ang aking tiyan sa loob ng t-shirt niya.

"Okay lang," simpleng sagot ko. Hinayaan ko rin ang kamay ko na maglandas sa braso niya.

"Okay lang?" he breathed in my neck. "Hindi ba ... kita nasaktan?"

Saglit kong pinag-isipan ang tanong niya. Hanggang sa napagtanto ko ang ibig sabihin nito. Mabilis ang pag-iinit ng buong katawan ko.

"I-it is painful," nagkandautal-utal kong sagot.

Hinila niya ako at humigpit ang yakap sa akin. "It should be. I'm sorry," may pagsisisi at pagsusumamo sa tono niya.

"Pero kaunti na lang ngayon," utas ko para mawala ang pag-aalala niya.

He signed heavily. What I said didn't lessened his worry.

"I wanted to make love with you so bad I couldn't help myself. I wasn't able to control my desires anymore," pag-amin niya.

I was glad he asked me about it. Ibig sabihin ay may pag-aalala siya sa akin. Hindi lang ang sarili niya ang iniisip niya. Hindi lang siya ang may karapatang masiyahan o masaktan sa aming ginawa.

It was my first time. No one had ever been close to me like that before. I hadn't even been close to any guy until last night. Wala pa akong nagiging kasintahan. Everything that happened last night was a first to me. When he kissed every inch of my body, it was like I was devoured and owned by him. When he took me, all my secrets were revealed. I bloomed into someone I hadn't recognized before. I was laid open to him and he fulfilled me.

Because of those realizations, a question popped in my head. A question that he could only answer.

"When did you ... first realize that you want me?" I asked before I could think twice.

Naramdaman ko ang paninigas niya. I was taken aback by how his body reacted. Napabangon tuloy ako nang kaunti upang tingnan siya sa mukha. Words would be enough but seeing him while he answered would be even better.

"I didn't just want you, Angel. I was hoping I made myself clear to you last night. I made love with you and that's not just because I want you or your body. I love you. I am so in love with that I couldn't endure being away from you even for a second."

May yumakap sa aking dibdib nang sabihin niya sa akin iyon.

"I am in love with you for so long. I think I have always been ever since I laid my eyes on you," pag-amin niya.

I gasped. My jaw dropped after hearing him say that. "Kuya, you met me when I was eight years old!" I reminded him in case he forgot. He was also just a kid back then. How could he tell that he was in love with me when we were just children.

Hinila niya ako paupo hanggang sa magkaharap na kaming nakaupo sa kama.

"It might be a different kind of love back then. I adored you so much. You were so kind and you openly accepted my father and me with all your heart. I was ten and I understood the meaning of living with you. You weren't mad at us for replacing your father. You weren't angry at me for suddenly appearing in your life as your older brother. You wanted me, too. You accepted me wholeheartedly. That time, it was the most amazing thing that ever happened to me. Being loved by you felt so wonderful that all I wanted was to reciprocate whatever you gave me."