Pain
Pain is in the feeler. The more you feel the more it hurts. Emotional pain is stupid, he knows that known it for a long time, still let's it rule him. Judge every action, every step, every move because letting go of it would mean letting the stitches and thread that he worked so hard to put on fall apart. Everything will come rushing out, and... Leave him. Then what? Will he be filled again? Would someone come and fix him? No no one would come. So he'd go back to square one. Its better this way. The pain distracts him. Making every move agony so that he can focus on the present. So that he can't accept it. That's why he can't cry. If you cry it means you've accepted something and it made you explode with feelings. If he accepts it then what? It just leaves. Why can't some things just stay with him a little longer. So that it doesn't hurt so much. So that he could say goodbye.
