Lost Wanderers (Halbrand / Rings of Powers)

16 - Still Something to Learn

"Do you feel any ache?" he asked, waking her from her brooding.
He readied a supper that felt like a regal one, since they were just in a camp, ready to move and travel at any time.
"Heartache and headache, as usual?" she suggested.
"I wish I can help" after helping her, he sat next to her "But I doubt you'd approve if I interfere with my abilities".
"I only approve if you crush my mind like this" she slammed her hand on the table, catching a mosquito.
"Never going to do that. Sorry" he looked slightly amused, although sadnees was the feeling he wore more frequently in those days.
"How know how I wish I could have saved you from falling from that wall" he whispered with longing.
That fall that should have killed her.
That moment that changed everything between them because that fall brought her to face the truth about him.
"I need you to tell me what happened" he said with some urgency.
Luthien stiffened, recalling the sick details that haunted her.
Maybe if Sauron didn't want to kill her, someone else would.
"Are you not omniscient?" she snapped.
"I need to hear your version" he said patiently.
She took her time, trying to eat, but it was like swallowing earth.
"I think..." she decided to be honest "Haeva pushed me down the walls. She hates me".
She didn't expect him to be surprised. But the anger that appeared on his face gave her goosebumps.
Maybe finally she was spotting the beast beneath the hero she used to see.
"I warned her so many times to leave you alone" he hissed.
Luthien gaped and talked quickly, like to work to stop a storm from wrecking havoc.
"She's just jealous. But she's helping you".
"She overstepped" he snapped "The only thing in her favour is that she's doing anything to please me. She could offer me the whole world and nothing would stop her".
Luthien stiffened. He was right, but she didn't feel okay with hearing how the witch was better than her. The perfect servant or companion.
"She's a better ally to you than me, then".
She froze even more when his hand rested on hers.
"She won't lay her eyes on you ever again. I'll keep her away from you" he promised.
Luthien shook her head, looking at his hand covering hers, like protecting her.
She lost herself in her thoughts, then said aloud.
"I think she would be a better match for you. She has magic, she's obstinate. She would make a strong queen. And she's more eager to please you than I am".
His hand grabbed hers, to turn it and wrap his fingers with hers stole her breath.
She crossed his amused eyes.
"You're worried that I could replace you with someone else".
She shrugged "Not worried. I'm just offering a piece of advice".
"I see her just a pawn in this game of power. You're much more than that. You don't want to believe me anymore, but I care for you" he brought her hand to his lips, killing the voice in her throat.
She watched her fingers entwined with his, seeing the reflection of her own existence.
She couldn't free herself from him, no matter if she wanted it or not.
She didn't want anyone else by his side. If it meant selling her soul to the devil, she already sold it the first time she crossed her eyes with him.
And she guessed that he already knew that, although he feared that her recklessness could steal her from him.

His plans still went on as they were slowly travelling south, being hosted in better locations, fortresses and castles.
The number of allies seemed growing in a dizzy way and Luthien started to believe that there was no way that her brothers and those who dared to stand against that growing force could win.

"Trouble sleeping?".
Luthien tore her eyes from the night sky she had been staring at for a while. Usually watching the stars filled her with peace and hope, but lately not even those little diamonds so far away could help her.
"I just wanted to count how many stars I can see from here" she said lowering her head and wiping her wet face.
"You love staring at the stars" he walked closer, looking tempted to touch her face, but she stepped back, being careful not to be trapped against the railing "You can stay as much as you want".
That simple activity felt wasted too. She recalled the nights when it was just the two of them travelling and the night sky was their only roof. How he could name each star like he knew the map of the sky as well as each land and town on earth.
A bit of shame itched her heart, recalling the many times she stared at the stars making the silent wish that it could be just her and Halbrand forever.
Now she wished to blame those silent stars for not warning her about him.
"I'll try to take some sleep" she said hugging herself to try to hold together the pieces of herself and walking past him.
"I often wondered what it takes to be accepted, to be understood" he said to her back, making her halt "Maybe I just expected too much".
She turned to face him, seeing reflected on him the way she felt. Torn.
"What did you expect?".