CLOUDS | My Writing Journal

Dopliens

April 8th, 2023

Funny Snippet | Dopliens

Two aliens... they're sent on a mission to, uh.. save the earth. Alena and Roku save Earth from space invasions and go on adventures. Just two rogue aliens...

Seragon, a perfect dystopia where females are perfectly equal to males. A world of fresh air, 99-cent cocaine bags, and orgy clubs. Alena rests her head back lazily after a good long line of Greeno Cocaine. "Ahh, R-Roku... Roku! Get... get high with me Roku. This is some crazy shit right here."

Roku groans turning her eyes away from her crypts. "C'mon Alena, we need these crypts translated before tomorrow! Why are you always such a procrastinator?" She pushes back from her desk to face Alena.

Alena's lips hold a grin, "You're using big words Roku, try speaking your sizee.-" A loud bang sounds at the front door. Around fifteen armed guards stand behind the see-through wall.

"Alena A16, we have a warrant for your arrest!" The leader, pink with three snarkins, shouts from behind the door.

Alena opens her eyes a little more turning her head to the door. Roku gets up to answer the door, and Alena drags her down to the floor. "Are you insane!? They'll take me away Roku! I can't go down like this! You don't know what prison is like here!" Roku closes her eyes for a long moment.

"Maybe if we act like we're not home they'll go away." She whispers. The two females stare at the door quietly lowering their heads behind the couch.

The officers shuffle a bit awkwardly holding their guns at their waists. The head officer moves from the door to the wall peering in, his face sort of resembling an onion but pink and full of bobble pores.

"We can see you're in there! Open the door or we'll be forced to break it down!"

At the station because Roku opened the fucking door. She really is a fucking idiot. 

"What do you know about Noro C16? Are you conspiring with him?! DO YOU THINK I'M STUPID BECAUSE I WENT TO COMMUNITY COLLEGE!?" A Bumble Detective shouts slamming his grippers on the table. Alena leans back unphased, her lazy bloodshot eyes watching the bee pace back and forth in the small interrogation room.

Roku stampers out taking a sip of her tea, "S-sir if you don't mind, what do we have to do with NC16?" 

Fucking dumbass just gave them her DNA. Alena thinks, getting interrupted by another slam on the table.

"Noro has been conspiring with XOD on a new machine that turns aliens into big piles of shit." Alena blinks her eyes wild.

"Big piles of shit?"

"Yes big piles of shit, he's already attacked more than 120 lifeforms in the west groups, hot steamy piles of shit were all that was left of them. You're telling me this has nothing to do with either of you?"

 Alena and Roku immediately retort against him.

"Why on Earth would we?! My intelligence is worth more than a shit shooter!" Alena bursts out.

"Seen these at the sight of the attacks." The detective hands Alena papers;

' AA16 IS A PILE OF SHIT! '

' AA16 IS A SHIT SHOW '

' AA16 EAT SHIT! '

"Wow Alena, NC16 really doesn't like you." Roku murmurs. 

Alena huffs, she doesn't even know who Noro is. Nobody does, only his voice. She crumbles the papers and shoves them in her mouth dissolving them in her saliva.

"Hey! That was our only evidence!" The detective protests.

"W-hoops, anyways can we leave now or?" Alena burps out leaning back in her chair. The detective glares at Alena silently.

Of course, the bastard didn't let us just leave, and Roku was too scared to fucking jump.

"I can't believe he's making us go find Noro!" Alena rants pacing their domes floor. Roku sits on their couch shoving giggly worms into her mouth.

"Well I mean you are the reason Noro is turning people into piles of shit. The least you could do is find out why." Roku mutters through her chews. Alena sighs slamming her forehead on the wall in defeat.

"Do you know I'm right?" Roku softly asks turning to Alena. Alena nods slowly. The detective sent them to the planet Earth. An inhabited planet of mortals whose purpose is to reproduce and continue to evolve the sense of life itself. A complete shithole.

Alena shakily grips her ship's steering wheel her eyes bloodshot and dilated off cocaine. "Roku hit me one more time! I'm gonna land this thing!" Alena shouts pumped. Roku hesitantly shoots another dose into Alena's harm and sits back when Alena lets out a high exhale completely off of it.

"A-Alena.." Roku worriedly mutters.

"Roku I don't have time to wipe your niggle off the floor." Alena breathes out as the ship slams into the soil of Colorado skidding them wildly into a tree. Roku was shaking and definitely sitting in her own niggle.

"You have arrived at your destination; Earth." The spaceship spoke before shutting off. The two aliens jump out.

"Oh! Oh, what is this!?" Roku shudders to smack a spider off her arm. Alena wasn't paying attention to her, she turns in a circle widely. Where the hell were they supposed to find this NoroC16?

"According to my research, we should be around a country called Colorado," Roku states pulling out her book. Alena begins to walk looking around, "Yeah well... if this planet is so overpopulated. Where is the population?"

"I'm going to be safe and say there." Roku stops next to her and the two aliens stand and stare at the city of Denver below them.

"Why they're all ants! How the fuck can we find NC16 on a planet full of ants?!" Alena throws her arms up. Roku pulls her towards the city rolling her eyes.

"We will Alena, what's the worst that can happen?"