The Aftermath

~1~

*Peter's Pov*

*buzzzzzzz* I hear my alarm going off, I was about to press snooze but then I remembered what today was. It's Aunt May's funeral. I sat up in my bed and looked around. I looked at my new room in the Avengers tower. I had only moved in last week, after Aunt May got killed by the Green Goblin.

It's all my fault... she never would have died if I  didn't mess up Dr. Strange's spell. 

I guess I have to get up now and get ready so I won't be late.

After I got ready I decided to go down to the kitchen and eat some breakfast. I don't have an appetite but I still should eat something so I don't pass out. I got out of the elevator and went into the kitchen. Nobody was in there yet. I just grabbed some bread and popped it into the toaster. I just stood there and waited not doing anything else.

I don't want to go to her funeral, it's all my fault... maybe I should just...

Just then I heard someone  walking in. I looked over it was Nat and Thor.

Nat said something first, "hey Peter, how are you doing?"

"Fine." I mumbled.

"Shureee." Nat responded in a sarcastic tone.

"I remember how hard it was when my father died." Said Thor.

*pop* my toast was done. I put it on a plate and spread some butter on top. I carried my plate to the table and sat down not saying anything to Nat or Thor.

Tears started rolling down my cheeks as I was eating my toast.

"Peter are you ok?" Nat whispered.

I didn't reply. Suddenly everyone came into the kitchen and just looked at me. I finished my toast and put my plate in the sink.

"Are you ready to go?" Tony said in a soft voice.

I nodded.

"Happy is out front with the car." Said Tony, motioning to the front of the building.

I followed Tony to the elevator and everyone else followed. Once we got to the car I got in. I was squished between Steve and Bucky. I just looked out the window for the car ride. I couldn't stop thinking about May, and how it was all my fault.

"We're here." Happy said.

Everyone got out and walked into the church. It was a nice service. I couldn't stand to look at May's casket, I just felt immense guilt for her death. After the service was over we all got back in the car to drive to the cemetery. I stood in the back because I couldn't look. Once she was lowered into the ground everyone started slowly leaving. I went and sat in the car and waited for everyone.

I wish this was a dream. I just want to wake up with everything normal again.

Soon everyone got back to the car and we drove silently back to the tower.

As soon as we got home I ran inside up to my room as fast as I could. I started crying harder until I couldn't breathe. *knock* I hear someone knock at my door but I don't say anything or look at the door. My door opens and I hear someone walk in.

"It will be okay Peter, I promise it gets better." Natasha says.

I don't look at her but mumble, "no it won't it's all my fault."

Nat bends down to my eye level and says "it's not your fault."

"YES IT IS!" I scream while standing up.

"GO AWAY!" I yell at Natasha.

She just sighs and walks out. I can hear her talking to the others outside of my room.

I walk to my bedroom door and quietly lock it. Then I walk into my bathroom that I share with Nat and lock the door. I just stared in the mirror for a minute looking at myself, hating what I see. All I see is a pathetic crying baby. I look at my body with disappointment.

I'll never look like a real boy... my chest will never be flat enough... my voice is to high...

*TW*

I turn away from the mirror and open the cabinet. I take out a small box. I sit down on the floor and open the box. In the box are my blades. I roll up my sleeve and take a deep breath.

Do it, you deserve it. You deserve to bleed.

I put the blade to my wrist and quickly dragged it across.

Do it again.

I drag the blade across again and again until my arm is covered. I put the blade down and just look at my arm and the blood running down onto my lap and the floor. I quietly stood up and grabbed a towel and held it to my bleeding arm. I clean off the blood and wrap my arm in gauze. I quickly wipe up the blood from the floor and put the towels in the laundry basket. I put my blade back in the small box and put it back in the cabinet. I unlock the door and go into my room. I change into pj's and go to bed.