Diary of a Lonely 26 Year Old

God

The following chapter deals with my relationship and opinion about God, it might be different from how the world sees Him but it's what I believe wholeheartedly. 

I have been a Christian all my life; I believe that Jesus Christ came, died and rose again for the sins of mankind. My relationship with God is a complex one just on my end really, simply because I am unfaithful and I fall into sin more often than I should. God has never wavered in showing up for me and working things out for my good. 

I sing at church at times, solos that I practice for a few days at a time and try to replicate on a Sunday morning. I love Worship. I feel most at peace worshipping God in my own way, not the best singer but it's my way. Many circumstances in my life worked out in ways that can only be explained as God. The things of this life really hold us back from fully committing ourselves to God and as I grow older, I realize just how distracted we can get from the narrow way we should walk. We spend years in school investing in our minds, we focus on healthy living to secure our bodies stay here longer but do we invest in our souls? What will happen to our souls at the end of the road?

I struggle everyday wanting to live a better life, a life exemplifying that of a child of God. A life where I am not distracted by a fete happening or fighting off sexual urges that lead me to sexual sin; just a better life. This disgusting feeling I get when I realize how much sins I have to show God everyday is overwhelming at times and makes me doubt His mercies toward me. I like sex, soca music, dancing and a bit of dirty talk just like any other gal but none of these things line up with what God outlined as a 'holy' person.

As a young woman I pray for purity. If you struggle with your relationship with this life and God, know that you are not alone. Know that His mercies are new everyday, know that He loves you but know our hearts must be sincere when we go to Him. Pray and keep your mind on godly things as much as you can. I can never be perfect and I will never claim to be but by His grace, we can make it through this life holding our heads high.