𝙎𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙞𝙥𝙞𝙩𝙮 [𝙎𝙠𝙯 𝙭 𝙛!𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧]

Finally

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March 1st, 11:00pm

Your stomach churned with anxiety, it had been nonstop talk about it. Everything that'd happened, everything that could happen. You'd thought about this ever since Chan proposed the idea, this could make or break your whole world. You were supposed to head out of town tomorrow with only about half of the members going with. Without Chan. The one person who gave you protection the most, the one who helped you with this, the one you made this entire thing happen, wasn't going with you. You'd face Ssamiji, without Chan. Yes, Han and Changbin were also going and it wasn't like you trusted Chan any more or less than them, it was just that the kind of safety you felt around him felt so secure it was unreal.

"Are you sure you can't come with...?" You pushed yourself off of Chan's bedroom wall, going over to him as he unbuttoned his sweater. You took ahold of his hands and dropped them to his side, since he was obviously struggling with the buttons, doing it for him.

"I wish I could but, I have to talk to JYP. This is the most important thing right now, I know, but...I can't just settle with hoping that you'll stay with us. I need you, Y/n." He sighed and once you fully unbuttoned his jacket, cupped your hands in his. You looked up, slightly confused at his tone that was filled with such love for you. If only you didn't mask it as concern.

"You make it sound like you love me. Pick your words carefully Channie-Hyung." You bit the inside of your cheek, grabbing onto his undershirt and taking in a deep breath.

"I'm not just trying to comfort you, I'm so nervous I could cry." He laughed a bit and looked to the side, but you could see his adam's apple bob down heavily, he was on the verge of tears, he was just too good at hiding it.

You interlocked your fingers together on both hands, giving him a tiny smile, "That makes 2 of us. Please don't cry, for me please? That'd make this day a whole lot more gloomy than it already is. The weather doesn't help either."

You kept your smile up, but your anxiety got the best of you, whining and pulling him into a hug, clutching onto him tightly as you heard your breath shake, "I'm gonna miss you, Channie."

"It's only for a day, and I'm gonna miss you too." He smiles and returns your hug, Minho was already asleep in the room, so you both made sure to keep your voices down. It wasn't that you would wake him up it just didn't feel right to be able to talk at a normal volume with him sleeping so peacefully just a few feet away from you.

"That day is what makes the rest of my life either a fresh start, or constant fear that Ssamiji is going to come and find me." It felt nice, Chan holding onto you so tightly like this, in any other setting you would most likely fall asleep in his arms. But you were on the verge of tears, you didnt want to leave him, face your trauma and face the fact that you could possibly never live with them again. Why couldn't you just not go back? It wasn't fair, this situation, what happened to you, what could happen. It wasn't fair.

"Hey, don't think like that. We've been talking with the court for weeks now, it's going to go fine Y/n." He sighed and looked down at the ground, as if he was also trying to convince himself too.

"Channie." You sighed and took a step back from him, looking up at him with wide, glossy eyes. What you were about to ask, it terrified you, but if there was any moment that it was right to ask, with all of your anxiety and mental instability, he would say yes right now. "Please promise me something after tomorrow, even if you don't fulfill it...just say yes."

"What is it hun?" Chan's lips formed a pout as he cupped the right side of your face with his hand, blushing at his cute nickname for you.

"After tomorrow, please...if things go right. Could you gift me a kiss? Just once." You leaned into his touch, putting your hand over his as Chan let out a sigh. Your eyebrows were knitted together in worry, your breath quaking as you had no idea how he was going to respond. It was obvious, you'd shared non lip kisses before, but still that shrivel of anxiety and self doubt spoke louder than the droves of positives.