Cat Fight In The Kitchen-Wattpad Rant

Kidnapping/Stockholm Syndrome

I can't tell you how many times I've heard women that were in abusive relationships tell me that they didn't leave simply because they didn't know what would happen next. They didn't know if they could make it on their own. They didn't know if they were just exaggerating the abuse in their minds because they were unhappy.

They didn't even know how to start getting help. Where do you go? Who do you talk to? What happens if no one listens? What happens if you get free and have to go back?

I think you'd probably see this in people that had been held hostage for extended periods of time. When you get used to something (even r*pe, abuse, neglect) it kind of becomes this barrier. You can't really see what's going to happen to you on the other side, so you just don't try to find out. It's better to be miserable than to upset the balance of everything, because what if what comes next is worse?

It's a weird, twisted thought process, I know, but you have to understand that when you go through something so traumatic, you aren't exactly thinking logically. I want to read a book where the MC is so fucked up that they don't even know what they're doing.

I want to get whiplash from the emotions. I want to cry on one page, get infuriated on the next, and then suddenly start laughing a few lines later. I want to be so conflicted that my insides feel twisted and my head starts spinning and I can't tell right from left and why from when. I don't want to be able to read a kidnapping story and walk away without being so torn up and confused and helpless and powerful all at once.

Because that's what it feels like to go through some sort of immense trauma like that. It feels like you're being torn into a million piece and none of them really fit back together anymore.

3. Trust is key

After a long time of being obeyed, a lot of kidnappers start to trust their victims. And a lot of victims don't run because there is too much uncertainty and they are still too afraid. They may even experience trauma bonding where they believe that no one but their captor understands them, therefore they can't integrate back into society and it would be easier to stay put.

So, if you have to have romance in your story here is my best advice: let your kidnapped MC free every once in a while, because their captor trusts them. It's actually not that uncommon. Read a book. And if it has to be romance, let the love interest be a third party outside of the kidnapping. That I could believe. That I would read. That would be interesting. Not only is the MC going to be conflicted (they're afraid of getting caught, but they're excited they might have help), but the love interest is going to know something is up, and if they find out, they have to be careful how they get help. At the first sign of trouble, victims become expendable.

4. "After" is terrifying

I'm sure I've said this before, but trauma creates a marker in your life where everything suddenly becomes measured in terms of "before" and "after".

Because there are no guidelines for the after. There is no rulebook that tells you exactly what happens in the after. It's where uncertainty and fear mix together in the most poisonous concoction you'll ever taste. After is the scariest thing you can ever face, because you don't know what you're going to be asked to face.

In fact, finding any information about what happens "after" is next to impossible.

That's probably one of the worst parts about getting past a trauma: you don't. You don't get completely past it at all. It's always going to be a part of your past and you get escape that.

For example, here is some of the after no one tells you about.

Did you know that when you're raped, if you go to the hospital (and I hope you do, just because your health is insanely important) you get tested for HIV. And you have to go back after 3 weeks and do it again. Then after three months. Then after six months. Then they don't adamantly request that you continue going, but they recommend that you continue getting tested every three months for the next two years. It fucking sucks that you aren't allowed to forget, because not only is it a threat to your health, but to anyone you come in contact with.

It's like you're being forced to remember it over and over, because if you don't, what happens if you give your boyfriend HIV. How do you explain that to your family. How do you explain that to him. How does he explain it to his family. It sucks. Major. You can't forget, because if you do, you're putting yourself and everyone you love in danger.

So these lovely sex slaves are going to have to do really embarrassing, humiliating, annoying things because sex comes with a lot of consequences.

And did you know that most patients that experience Stockholm Syndrome (since everyone is so obsessed with this all of a sudden), are treated like patients with PTSD. And do you know how much all that therapy and medication costs?

I don't even want to mention how it feels like the therapist is always judging you and there is such a stigma around mental health that it's easier to let yourself go crazy than to actually seek treatment and get help. Seriously. It's sad, but it's true. It's easier to ignore that you need help than to become a pariah for getting help.

Can you imagine your eight year old daughter telling you she doesn't want to take her medication or go to therapy anymore for her PTSD because she's tired of the kids at school always bringing it up and all the adults acting like she's a freak? As a parent, how do you decide between getting your daughter help and letting your daughter have the calm, normal life that the therapist says she needs?

There is no right answer. There really isn't. And I don't want to walk away from reading a kidnapping story and thinking that there was only one outcome. There was only one emotion. I don't want things to be black and white.

I want people to stop hiding behind Stockholm Syndrome because it's now a popular term in the kidnapping category and no one wants to research actual cases (seriously, read Jaycee Dugard, or Elizabeth Smart's books, dumbasses) and they all just want a hot bad boy with a dark past. Stop. Someone please explore what a twisted, horrifying thing this is.

I want to be pulling my hair out at the end of a kidnapping novel. I want to be so emotionally wrecked and exhausted that I want to stay in bed for days, but I can't because my mind is spinning too much to even sleep. I want to be messed up, because that's how it feels. That's how you know you got it right.

So why don't you focus on that more than "he's hot so I love him".

Focus on how fucked up the MC is bound to feel.

And just a PSA, don't ever use the line Please give me a role model not a victim. How about a big fuck you to the people that say that. You don't know anything if you can say that and still sleep at night.

Some people never get over getting r*ped, being kidnapped, getting abused, etc. And to say they aren't worth it because they can't just shake off a terrifying, life changing event is ignorant. So how about you start being a role model by realizing not everyone can be a hero. Some people need help, and that's okay.

Also, for those of you asking, I was gone last week, because my best friend suffered a major head injury and some cracked bones and assorted bumps and bruises from a little accident at work (it's a long story), so I was helping him out. No worries, he's going to be just fine, but he just needed some extra help, obviously. Besides, maybe I'll share with you some of the funny things he said/did while he's been hopped up on muscle relaxers and painkillers. They're pretty great.

Like when I walked into his hospital room and he looked very worried for a little bit before he finally whispered to all his friends "do you guys see her too?" because he thought he was hallucinating. How fun.