Only Love Can Hurt Like This (Jax Teller)

Chapter Four

"That's not how grief works." Jax sits back, shaking his head, "I know a bit about grief. I've had my fair share of it."

Willow looks back to him, swallowing at the vulnerable look he has on his face, "Then how does it work?"

"Grief is not a disorder, a disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve."

Willow frowns at his words, before bursting out laughing, clutching her side as she doubles over, "Where the fuck did you steal that from?"

"You made me wait an hour yesterday before you took your lunch break! I had to do something!" He defends himself. He did steal it from a book he read while waiting for her to take her lunch break.

"Pathetic." Willow jokes with a shake of her head, wiping the tears at the corner of her eyes, "It's not even a good quote about grief."

"Oh do you have a better one then?"

"No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear. C.S Lewis" Willow responds, her smile fading.

Jax frowns, "Does your grief feel like fear?"

Willow shrugs, adverting her eyes again as she answers, "Sometimes." She thinks, trying to find the right words, "Mostly I'm afraid it will never leave."

Jax licks his lips, nodding, "It fades, eventually. But I don't think it ever goes away."

"Does it get easier to bare?" She whispers, her eyes meeting his in a pleading gaze to be honest, "The hallow feeling in your chest. The pain of feeling like your not getting enough air in your lungs every time you take a breath? Does that fade too?"

Jax has to swallow the lump in his throat, because that feeling is all too familiar to him. He was a bit too young when Thomas died, but he remembers it well with his dads death. The ache in his chest. It did fade, after awhile, and then he felt it again when Tara left, hitting him harder than the first.

Truthfully, it's only been recently where he feels relief for that ache, after these 10 years of her being gone. And mostly, it's been this past month, having lunch with Willow, where he can forget about everything else, the club, his mom, his horrible marriage, and that ache in his chest. When he's here, sitting at the back table of the library, talking about random subjects with his dead friends wife, does he forget all about everything else, and the air gets a little easier to breath.

It's why he still comes here everyday he can, just have an hour of peace. It first started out as fulfilling his promise to Nathan, looking for Willow, but Jax found himself looking forward to the small visits. It's nice having a friend that's not a part of the club business, nice talking to someone that's not trying to get in his pants. It's nice just having a good conversation for an hour.

Before he has a chance to answer her, Willows alarm goes off on her phone, signaling the end of her break. They both gather up there things, cleaning up the area, before walking back to the front. Jax watches as she places her things on the desk, looking up at him, "I'll probably see you later."

"You stopping by the club house after work?" He questions confused. She's not ever been one to go to the parties at night, even when Nathan was around. If she stops by, it's usually in the mornings when it's safe, and she doesn't usually stay long.