I Wish

Chapter 31

TW thoughts of insanity, alcohol hallucinations kinda? Suicidal thoughts. Swearing
Please let me know if I missed any

Ranboo was a wreck, and that's saying something when Tommy thinks that. The two of them sat on the bridge for a while.

One offering the other a soft smile of reassurance, the other putting a tentative hand on the other's shoulder, trying to keep himself there, reassure himself of the other's presence.

"Hey Tommy?" Ranboo asked after a while.

"Mhm?"

"I think we need to apologize to Tubbo. We've kind of left him in the dark."

"About what?" Tommy wracked his brain, thinking of what they could've neglected to tell their friend.

He came to the realization just as Ranboo drew a black marker out of their pocket.

"Oh, yeah, I guess we're pretty bad friends, eh?" He ignored the laughter inside his head, or the squeeze of the harness only he could see.

"I mean, it's alright to have secrets, right?" Ranboo turned to him, almost as if he were actually looking for the answer.

"Yesh, I don't think everything should be public knowledge." He took the marker from Ranboo's hand, "especially things like this."

"However," he continued, rolling the marker between his fingerpads, "I think Tubbo should know. He's only going to get more frustrated the longer we don't say anything."

"That's up to you." Ranboo mumbled, looking slightly uncomfortable.

"I mean," Tommy snorts, trying to lift the mood. "It's also up to you. How much you want to say."

Ranboo smiled, but it faltered after a moment. "I think Tubbo is pretty set on the fact that I won't say anything."

"Then change his mind."

Ranboo ducked his head down a bit. "I'm not sure I will say anything though."

"Just think on it, you don't have to say anything you don't want to."

Are you sure Tommy?

I want you to pour you're heart out to me, I want you to spill your soul and why you talk to yourself.

You're insane, and you know it.

You're supposed to have an inner monolog, not a dialog.

I'm fine. Tommy snapped, feeling the nonexistent harness tighten around his chest. A hand that wasn't there clamped onto his shoulder tightly.

"I will." Ranboo said softly, smiling at Tommy.

"I should get going." He said, getting up, and offering a hand to Ranboo.

"See you tomorrow." Ranboo said as he got up too.

Tommy handed the marker back, and walked away.

Telling someone

How much?

Everything

No, Tommy couldn't do that again.

Spill your soul to me. I need to know everything.

You are crazy, just spill it.

Tommy wishes he could disagree as the harness constricted.

I want your thoughts and feelings on this paper by the end of the day.

Tommy gritted his teeth, and ignored it

I want you to tell me everything. Poor little thing, you should go to an institution to get better.

"Rather kill myself." He said bitterly.

A hand clamped onto his shoulder, and he yelped.

That wasn't a suggestion.

And then he saw him. Malicious grin and the end of a leash in his hand, and he pulled on it, tugging Tommy somewhere.

Dragging him to the bridge, Ranboo was long gone, and the harness constricted.

You can't escape now. A voice whispered.

"You're not real." He said, more to assure himself than anything.

Then you're crazy.

Just admit it, and I'll let you go.

That will never last, it will never last and I know it.

There is another option. A different voice drawled, warn breath tainted with alcohol.

"Oh yeah?"

Yes

"And what's that?" He drawled to the air.

Jump.

And he almost did. He almost did to stop the cackling and chanting, the chatter and the sneering voices.

"Tommy?"

That voice was familiar, and Tommy shed away from it.

He whipped around, and was standing face to face with Phil, at, like, 10:00 at night, on a bridge.

"Go away!" He yelled before turning and sitting on the bridge.

His mind was cruel, but why this? Why fabricate someone who gives Tommy hope?

"Tommy, what are you doing?"

"Don't talk to me." He muttered, knowing all too well how fast this will fall.

"Tommy, stop!"

Tommy whirled around and sunk to his knees. "You're not real." He laighed.

"What do you mean?" Phil knelt down away from the blond.

"Don't play dumb with me. You're not real." Tommy said, almost drunkenly.

"Yes I am Tommy." Phil said, slightly confused.

"Mmmm, no you're not. Cause he wouldn't be out here, he hates me. I'm the biggest pain in the side to him."

Tommy was in a daze, just trying to convince himself that he wasn't about to jump, and his mind wasn't being really mean.

"That's not true. I care about you so much, it's not true."

"Mhm, keep telling yourself that. I'm going home." And Tommy shoved his hands into his pockets and began walking away from the cruel trick his mind played to stop him from jumping.

"Tommy! Wait, I have to make sure you get home safely."

"No you fucking don't."

And Phil stood there, just stood there, staring at Tommy. Not saying anything, not sneering, not turning away. And that was the most Phil thing to do- absolutely nothing.

Tommy continued walking away, knowing this will be the last time he would be able to take the short walk off a long drop for awhile.

But not forever.

He wishes it could be forever.

______________________________

So, deep down Tommy still wants to live.

I kind of left this story untouched for a bit.

Oh well, I'm back.

Have a great day/night my friends!💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

You all are loved, remember that.