River's 6 month old now which is crazy, it feels like it was just yesterday that the pogues left me alone with him.
Which that worked, River now sleeps in my room with me and I do everything for him during the day, but John B's mad that I don't have a job yet and that he's the one buying everything for River, but even if I tried to get a job they wouldn't hire me because I'd need a drug test and I wouldn't pass it because I'm still taking the drugs Barry gives me, they help with the pain of Brooke being gone.
"Hey" John B says walking into the chateau
"Hey" I say not taking my eyes off the TV
"How's River" he says grabbing a drink and sitting with ne
"He's good, he's napping in there" I say pointing to my room
"Good, have you looked at any jobs yet" he says
"No, I haven't" I say quietly
"JJ I'm serious about you getting a job, I can't pay for all of it anymore, it's been 6 months I think you can get a job instead of moping around inside all day" he says raising his voice a little. "Ok I get that you miss her, we miss her to, but we both know she wouldn't want you sitting on your ass all day, and Sarah offered to babysit River when were both at work, so you wouldn't have to pay for one" he says lowering his voice now
"I don't sit on my ass all day and you don't know how it feels she wasn't your girlfriend, was she, you still have Sarah, so don't try to pull the, I know how you feel bullshit, cause you don't, losing your dad is different, you weren't in love with him" I say standing up and raising my voice a little
Then River starts to cry from the other room. The yelling must of woke him up.
"I have to get him" I say walking to the bedroom. "JJ" He says
I ignore him and continue walking.
"Hey Riv, sorry about the yelling" I say picking him up and sitting on the bed
I sit him down on my stomach with him leaning back on my legs
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(Like that but their on the bed)
He smiles his big toothless grin, god I love that little smile
"Hey, buddy" I say smiling back. "Your momma loved you so much, she got her wish, you look just like daddy" I say pinching his cheek
Flashback (Brooke's 4 months pregnant)
"If it's a boy, I want him to look just like you" she says laying on my chest looking up at me
"You want him to look like him, one of me is good enough" I say running my fingers through her hair
"I want multiple of you because I love you" she says
"I love you" I say
"I love you more" she says
"Not possible" I say kissing her
End of flashback
"Your momma was so excited to meet you" I say. "I promise I won't go anywhere, dadda's not gonna leave you" I say
He lays down on my chest and goes back to sleep.
"I love you River" I say to him and fall asleep
Hours later
"What the hell is this!" John B says harshly bursting into the room
"Jesus christ" I say scared sitting up with River on my chest. "A pill bottle" I say annoyed standing up and putting River in his crib. He pulls himself up on the bars and stands their looking at us
"Yeah your standing" I say to River smiling. "JJ" John B says harshly. "John B he's standing look at him" I say ignoring him
"JJ I don't care right now" he says harshly. "God, what's wrong with you" I say sitting down
"Explain this, is it yours?" he asks. "No it's not mine" I say. "Really cause it was in your bag" he says mad
"What so your going through my stuff now" I say. "I didn't go through it the bag just fall over and the bottle rolled out" he says
"Yeah right it rolled out" I say. "You want through it, do you like not trust me or something" I say. "Well I don't now, are they yours cause there definitely not mine" he says throwing the bottle on the bed
"Yeah there mine" I say quietly. "Wow, that's great JJ, you know me and pogues thought you were better, you've been taking care of River and your eating and doing stuff, what's wrong with you, you don't talk to us, ever" he says mad
"You don't understand" I say quietly. "JJ I told you before that we lost her to, it wasn't just you" he says. "I know that" I say quietly
"You don't act like it, what happened to not wanting to be your dad, because right now your acting just like him" he says raising his voice. "I'm not like him" I say quietly
"Right sure, he does drugs, drinks, does nothing all day, and has a son he can't take care of, sound familiar cause that's you do JJ!" He says yelling now. "I'm sorry, ok, you happy is that what you wanted to hear!" I yell at him
Then River starts to cry because of the yelling
"Can we talk out there he doesn't like the yelling" I say going to calm him down, so he stops crying. "Yeah let's go were talk outside" he says leaving the room
"So how long" he says once were outside. "Since he was 2 weeks" I say quietly looking down. "You proud of yourself JJ, is this how you wanna live, why are you doing drugs now" he says. "I don't know" I say
"Look JJ I don't wanna fight, ok I just want you to be JJ again" he says. "You say you don't wanna fight, but your always the one that starts everything, even if I just walk into the room you have something to say" I say
"Ok whatever, I'm sorry, but your gonna tell me why" he says. "It's my fault" I say quietly. "What's your fault" he says. "Brooke" I say
"What, no it's not its just something that happened JJ, you didn't do anything" he says. "I got her pregnant, if she wasn't pregnant then she would still be here, her body wasn't ready for a baby, so I blamed myself because I guess I needed someone to blame and I didn't wanna blame River because I know it wasn't his fault and I put him there, so you know there was no else to blame but myself" I say quietly tearing up
"It's not your fault JJ, it was nobody's fault. I need you to go to rehab or something to get clean, please" he says hugging me crying to. "Yeah I can, I promise I will, can you take me" I say hugging him. "Yeah I will" he says
