Remember Me

P-1 CH-1

I am a disgrace.

Selfish, useless, priceless, laughable, foolish and absurd. Words I had memorised from the number of times my parents would repeat them over and over again - with time, even my siblings started using them- I had gotten used to them at this point but they still hurt, stung like a bow aimed at my heart. I would accept them gladly if there was any reasoning behind them but I knew that they just needed something to take their anger out on. And that just happened to end up being me.

Everything about me was always wrong in their eyes, like I was a big flaw in the middle of perfection. it kind of made sense to me because after all I had the perfect older brother and the perfect younger sister. I had even over heard that they never actually meant for me to exist. I was always a mistake.

It had gotten to the point that I lost all love for them and did everything I could to anger them. it was my way of taking revenge and I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me feel better. 

I would always look for an escape from them which forced me to become an outside person even though whenever I was locked up in my room, I felt more comfort then when I'd been outside but whenever I'm in my room for too long my parents start picking on me.

My siblings picked up some of the words my parents had used and started using them too but it still held on to some love for them.

School was great compared to my home life so I'd always treasured it and took advantage of it to stay away from home for longer or to stay in my room for longer to study.

My friends weren't exactly perfect but they were good to me so I just ignored what they did to others.

That was until today.

I had sat through 3 periods and was on my way to lunch. my friends were waiting by my locker as usual but this time there was a small boy next to them, he looked weirdly familiar and if I were to be honest all he had to do was drop the glasses and he'd be the most popular guy.

Though I actually find glasses hot.

But he's a guy so it doesn't matter.

I watched from far as my friends continued to talk to him - probably not a so-friendly conversation - I didn't really want to be seen with them while they did these kinds of things so I'll just stay here and watch.

Then it happened. he talked. and I knew immediately who he was, it all made sense now. the small fatigue and the perfect waves of brown slightly covering one eye and tucked behind his ear from the other side. and what actually made him seem familiar, his big I emerald eyes that almost glowed.

It was jack.

The only person who I felt I could be open to, the one I was stuck on for years. I could never forget him but I knew he forgot me. the sound of the vital sign monitor started ringing in my ears. as all the memories flashed in my mind. all the good and bad moments we'd spent together. 

And the incident.

I felt my eyes tear up but I blinked it away quickly. I started approaching them slowly with a soft smile on my face, as usual. once I was a couple steps away, I waved and started walking faster, once I had gotten to them, I thought to act like I do normally and start a small conversation.

"Hey, ready for lunch" I called and waited for a reply. Andrew was the first to speak "ye. I've got someone to pay for us so no need to pay for yourselves today" and suddenly I felt really protective of him, I knew I had to stop them and i knew exactly how.

"Oh, could you leave me with this one, I've got a little job for him and it's about time i did something myself." I argued. "Sure, we'll head off to lunch and leave him with you, good luck though I doubt you'll need it he looks pretty easy." Andrew replied as he motioned for the rest to move with him and I heard mumbles about how they were proud I'd stepped up for once.

and then anxiety hit me. I didn't know how I would approach this situation but I knew I had to. should I just avoid any mention of our childhood but only hint at it a tiny bit to see if he reacts. ye that seems like a reasonable approach.

"Nice to see you again" I hinted "um...ye" was his reply and I didn't exactly know how to comprehend that, it was too vague.

"Would you like to go get some snacks and hang out" I approached "w-what?" he answered and I was a bit confused but then realised that he probably thought I was a bully like them, I should clear that up.

"Oh, I'm not really like them, I won't attack you or anything." I assured then I felt his eyes on me like glue, looking me up and down as if memorising every detail in me starting from my dark black hair to my brown eyes moving to my blue and green striped shirt to my jeans and then stopping for a second at my black trainers as if disappointed then going back up then locking his gorgeous green eyes on mine. I felt my cheeks heat up but shaked it off in seconds. did he recognise me?

"sure" he admitted. "Great let's go then" i said awkwardly. then motioned for him to follow me.

we walked to the closest convenience store and got a couple of snacks and drinks. after that we chatted on our way to the parking lot that was always empty right next to school. there were only one other group of friends that were pretty far from us and looked too involved in their own conversation to even spare us a glance.

our conversations were small talk just getting to know each other - I had confirmed that he'd forgotten me by then- and me telling him who to avoid at school since id learned that he'd joined at the start of this year which was just a week ago. but I still enjoyed talking to him just as much as I did as a kid. he was just so welcoming I felt like I could tell him anything and everything, he made me feel at home when I didn't even feel at home at my own house.

"Charlie?" his voice snapped me out of my thoughts and I realised how awkward I had made it. I looked up at him and took a moment for replying "ye?". he looked confused as he mumbled "nothing you just worried me for a bit." I felt that warmth in my chest again. "Sorry was just thinking".

we chatted for a bit more but when I snuck, I glance to my watch I noticed that we only had 5 minutes left. "Alright I think we should start heading back now, I've still got to get my books" I demanded as I stood from the side pavement and offered a hand to help jack get up.

he took my hand and got up. feeling the warmth of his skin again mine was nice, it was a feeling that I missed.

we got to school and continued on with our days as normal. the only lesson we had together was 6th period, English.

he sat Infront of me but we only exchanged greetings, nothing else.

the school day had ended and I walked home as slow as possible and sprinted to my room as soon as I unlocked the front door. as I climbed the staircase i heard muffles of my parents calling my name, intertwined with my sibling's conversation about cereal for breakfast.

I studied for the rest of the day and fell asleep uncomfortably on my desk.

remember me....