•Before I Let Go•

•Chapter 18•

       "You weren't horrible."

"It was hard to focus. Between trying to make you cum and trying not to cum, and not letting the gearshift go into my ass... it was a nightmare. But man, it was—it was one of the best nights of my life too. That was the first time you let me go down on you."

"I was so nervous for some reason. I was worried that I tasted bad and you weren't gonna like me anymore." Alida laughed, wondering why she had ever thought that. It took years to realize that men were nasty, and if it meant they could get their rocks off soon after, they'd eat dog shit if they had to.

        "Aidan was pissed at me for keeping you out all night. He kept interrogating me, asking why you came home smelling like a brewery. It's a wonder he didn't ask me why you smelled like sweat and shame."

        "All I could think about was doing it again. You were like an addiction. I hated it, but I couldn't get enough of it."

"When did Aidan find out? You said he knew, but that you told him we broke up to get him off your back. He never said anything to me about it." Cory lied—a small lie.

        Cory remembered Aidan had come by during Thanksgiving break. It was under the guise of a jam session in his Aunt Gemma's garage.

Aidan had "heard things." Talk of Cory having hands on his little sister around town. Cameron had even said he saw them kissing.

        "But you're too smart to do something like that. You know better than to ever touch my sister. So why the fuck would Cameron say that?"

Cory lied; he told Aidan that it was someone else—someone that must've looked an awful lot like Alida, but assured him that the girl he had been with was not—Cameron was just starting trouble.

        "That's because I told him I'd tell Heidi all about his little fling with Katie if he did."

"Did you know he gave Heidi the clap?"

"Asshole." Alida murmured. "But she just kept going right back to him—I never understood it." She shook her head. "Gretchen hated him for the shit he did to her sister. She'll never say it now because he's dead, but she did—she hated him."

       "I think everyone did a little bit. He was just so fucking selfish."

"You were the only one that never spoke badly about him."

"Well, I was banging his little sister, so I didn't really have room to say much."

        "Do you remember the last time we were here together?" Alida asked, watching Cory stand from the swing. He leaned against the support beam, looking up at the nights sky. He kicked at the wood-chips, crossing his feet with furrowed brows.

The truth was, Cory had brought Alida there to reminisce on the good times—not the bad times. The last time he and Alida were there together, was a bad time—a very bad time. It was when he had to say goodbye.

        "Yeah... yeah, I remember. I didn't bring you here to talk about that though."

"I'm sorry I hit you. I was a fucking wreck. We just buried Aidan, and I was hormonal." Alida pressed her lips, hoping she hadn't said too much. She didn't want Cory to find out that way.

        "I deserved it."

         Cory had not gone to the wake, but he showed up at the funeral—late. He watched from afar behind a large Ampion tree. After the sermon, Alida started after him.

She had started to make a scene, questioning why he hadn't been there for the wake. She recalled Cory shaking his head, embarrassed—not because she was yelling at him in front of family and friends, but because she was drawing attention to him. The last thing he wanted in that moment was everyone's attention; the lone survivor—the person responsible for this particular mournful congregation to even occur.