𝓨𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓢𝓸 𝓟𝓻𝓮𝓽𝓽𝔂 𝓘𝓽 𝓗𝓾𝓻𝓽𝓼.... 𝓑𝓪𝓫𝔂, 𝓘'𝓶 𝓨𝓸𝓾𝓻𝓼

Fake

Suha: you might wanna check again. It can't be your bust.

Siya: I will show you so, let's go.

Suha: hmm... Come.

Not this body talk again. The thought itself makes me want to throw up everything I have eaten. I don't even know if I will ever come to love what I look like.

I went to her room and she handed me one of her tops. I tried putting it on but it got stuck just above my breasts.

Siya: see, I told you.

Suha: hmm... Don't you think they are too big?

Siya:no.... I think it's fine.

Suha: Well, I guess I might just give it to someone else. What about the jeans?

Siya: nah... Waist too small.

Suha: hmm. Fine. Let's grab some food then.

I got here too early maybe. I don't wanna grab lunch with her. But I still will. I went to the kitchen as she brought the food out. Fried rice and chicken.

Oh boy, I would be lucky if I can eat without throwing up.

Sitting with her doesn't help in digesting my food. My plate has more food than hers most of the time but not today. The familiar feeling of my eating disorder rise to my mouth again. Nausea showing it's presence by knocking at the door of my throat as I shoved down the food. The atmosphere around starts weighing down resembling the words thrown at me. A delusion is never supposed to be harsh but it hurts more than any truth. I grab my water in my left hand, gulping down as soon as the food reverses it's pathway.

Suha: you know it's bad habit to drink water while eating.

Siya: well....it's too spicy for me.

Suha: I guessed that. Can't handle spice as usual.

I smiled at her. A smile I no longer recognize.

What's real....what's fake....

Suha: well.... I will leave now. Will you be here at night?

Siya: I have to see. Maybe or maybe not. I will let you know.

Suha: ok. But it would be better if you stay.

Siya:hmm? Why?

Suha: we could spend the night together.

Siya: Let me see. If I don't have any emergency class I will stay.

Suha:hmm..... Fine. I will wash up and leave.

Her turning and walking towards the kitchen tap to wash her dishes brought down another relief filled anxiety. I breathe in, catching a whiff of dish soap and her perfume mixed into another smell. The rashness of her perfume neutralized by the soap smell. She put those washed dishes on the drying mat and took her bag. Kissing my forehead and walking off, the heels clicked making it known of her departure.

The empty plate in front of me welcomed a fake laugh from somewhere beneath my heart. I took to the tap for the remaining dishes and reminiscing about my self, keeping the thought of the food I ate at the bay. And the best thing would be remember something different. My thoughts drifted towards the talks of morning. That was.....embarrassing.

*flashback*

Sreya: what the fuck were you doing last night?

Siya:who?