I Won't Give Up (Teacher/Student)

Chapter 14

I turned to Caden, my eyes wide. "You did all of this?"

He nodded and guided me toward my chair, "I don't do things half-assed."

"Good. I'll accept only your best," I said, winking.

In all honesty, this was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for me. The food must have been ordered because there was no way he could set this entire area up and plan a meal in an hour. I felt my mouth grow dry at his sweet gesture and reached for my glass of water.

Caden was too good for me. I had said it already but was prepared to say it until he understood. His efforts should go to someone who deserved them, not someone who would let them go to waste.

I pushed the thought away and uncovered our dinner to find a full plate of chinese food. I was tempted to lift my plate and tilt it downward so that all the food would slide into my mouth at once, but I took a deep breath and waited for Caden to make the first move.

In between moutfuls of rice and sesame chicken, we talked about school and our fathers. Caden's dad was just as busy as mine, but this was his first trip out of town in a long time. He almost didn't leave, but he knew the firm needed another experienced attorney to help with the case in such short notice.

"You never talk about your mom," he said. He wiped at his mouth with a napkin and took a sip of water as he waited for me to respond. He was right. I avoided her in the same way politicians attempted to avoid scandals during an election year. They always seemed to come out though, and when they did, they ruined everything.

"She's never given me something to talk about. Nothing good at least."

"That bad?"

I stared at him for a while, considering whether I should tell him any more. I didn't like talking about my mother with anyone. It always seemed to change the way people looked at me. Mothers were known for staying. They were known for loving their children so much that they'd lay their life on the line for them, and then there was my mother who never seemed to care about mine. I could almost see the question flash across a person's eyes when I told them she was absent: How bad could you be to make her leave? 

I asked myself the same question in the beginning. I was convinced that something had to be wrong with me for her to never want me. A part of me still feels that way. After all, she could have left my father but chose to leave the both of us. Now I think that if I never came into the picture, she would have loved him still.

"I don't think she ever loved me. She left us a couple months ago and I haven't spoken to her since."

"I doubt she didn't love you, Diem."

"You don't know my mother."

"But I know you, and you'd be hard not to love."

I lifted my eyes to meet his and considered what he said. The only person in my life who had loved me properly was my father. He had always been there, always patient and understanding. He never tried to change a single piece of me, even the bad parts that maybe needed replacement. I guess he understood that replacing any part of me meant that I was no longer myself. My inappropriate sense of humor, loud mouth, and trust issues were on full display for him, and they were there to stay.

What my mother and Dustin did could never be considered love, and if it was, then I didn't want any part of it.

"I don't need her to love me or for you to try and make me feel better."

I could feel the air between us grow thick as Caden attempted to find something to say. My mother was not going to ruin this night like she ruined everything else in her path.