PERHAPS BEING BROKEN IS JUST THE SAME AS JUST BEING

14. Your Call

You knew what this meant. You had to  tell this story again, as if the voice of the image you sent him was muffled when it reached him. The message he had to see became cleaved into unclear threads that have been lost in the image – now blurry, nothing clear was found within them. So you begin again. You begin again, to explain a portrait that illustrates your end. An art and the lines that'd introduce you to demons you won’t have to fight alone.

“ I’m pregnant,  I took a test earlier today. I didn’t feel ok,  so I became doubtful of it. I didn’t want to say anything I wasn’t sure of yet,” How a seed planted in you turned and weaved your voice into a voice shaky and unclear, is a mystery. But you said into the phone, your voice shaky as if something keeps slicing through it. You struggled to steady it. You knew what this really meant, it meant that Starr has left something within you , he made a spillage into your body so that you'd remember that he once touched you.

“ So what do you want to do? I know it’s still early. And don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean that I’m not in this with you. We're in this together because we did this to one another,  but at the end of the day, it’s your call and I wouldn’t force you to do anything that you don’t want to do. What do you want to do ?”

“ I don’t know. I guess I haven’t thought about that. I'm still trying to get my thoughts around it, but again I don’t think there’s anything to think about,”

“ What do you mean?” he took a deep breath in and swallowed something down his throat.

You want to tell it as it is, for all it does is weigh you down when you think about what you want to do and then drown you in your own tears – your eyes now two ponds that don’t run dry – dripping and dripping as if something had to be washed out. Now you’re pouring down,  to let your pains out.

“ What I mean by that is that, There’s no point in wanting to keep something that'd be the end of me. This pregnancy will ruin everything. I'd keep it under different circumstances but since it was conceived in these circumstances,  perhaps it was bound not to live any way. My father would kill me,”

“ Can we talk about it later when I get home. I am still driving, so we'll talk about it when I get there. Just think about it and I’m willing to support whatever it is that you want to do about this,”

A spillage of his words through the phone of words you had swallowed down your throat but now we’re pouring down unto his body and on it to carve your pains unto it. A bruise fixed unto your flesh so that you’d remember that he once touched you.

“ There’s nothing to think about really.  I want an abortion,”

“ Again. You know that I wouldn’t force you to do something that you don’t want to do. I won’t persuade you otherwise because you know what’s right or wrong for you. So I’ll make few phone calls and find us someone to help us,”

“ No problem.  See you later,”

“ Bye. See you later.”