I am scared Max

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You saw everything that happened. You were in the attic. You were there and you could do something. You could do something but instead of it you are sitting here. Next to the hospital bed

You were crying. Of course, you were. When she was lying in your arms and begging you for some help. But now...now you are not crying anymore. You are thinking and talking again and again

Even though Max is not answering you are sure that she can hear you and you can tell her everything that you think about

"I am sorry Max. I could do something. At least something. But i didn't and now i am sitting here talking to you without any answer" you say looking down at your feet

"I can't do it without you Max. And you know it. You know that I can't live with you as a memory. You know i can't lose you" you continue

When you are holding her in your arms you realize how quickly can everything changes. How quickly can something turn into a memory? But you are not ready for her to be a memory. Because when you have memories that means that they are inside your head. You are keeping them alive inside you. But then you start to make new memories and start to forget. Forgetting of old memories

You don't want to forget. You don't want to forget her stupid jokes. Her annoying teasing during lessons. Her freckles on her face. Her shiny beautiful hair

After some time you will forget how her voice sounds. You will forget what she looks like. You will forget everything

With every passing second you are forgetting. But you are not ready to forget her

"I am not ready Max and i will never be. I am not accepting the fact that you won't wake up...I know you will. You are a fighter. You taught me to be strong. But now Max...now you need to be strong. Do you hear me?! You will be strong and you will fight because i need you here. I need someone who loves me and who will be always here. And that's you, Max. If you like it or not i love you and i am not losing you" you say almost hopeless

All your words you said were to your feet but when you look up at the girl. You see only her body. Her chest slowly rising up and down. You hoped that when you look up you will see her smile and her beautiful eyes looking at you but no. Her eyes are closed and she looks like she is peacefully sleeping

__________________________

You were coming here day after day. Every day you are closer to accepting the fact that you will be alone. But you have not accepted yet. You still believe and trust Max

Now you are here again. You are walking down the hall to the familiar room in which you have been spending your days lately

You open the door and hope that you had a few moments ago that you will step inside and see Max awake is gone. She is not. She looks completely the same as yesterday and the day before yesterday and the day before that

You go sit in your chair like every day. You look up at her for a while and then you drop your head down and start talking again

"I am scared Max. It is getting harder and harder without you. I don't know what to do Max. I am so lost without you. I can't lose you. I can't lose the only person who likes me. You mean so much to me so don't you dare to leave me. You can't go....it is not your time yet" you say

After your tears start to roll down your face you hear something

"T-that is right...it's not my t-..time yet" Max says and slowly looks at you

Your eyes widen and more tears are now in your eyes. You don't know how to talk. You stand up and go closer to her bed. You carefully take her hand into yours and then you feel a weak squeeze from her

It is real. She is awake and holding your hand. She is here with you

"Max.." you say and kneel down next to her bed still holding her hand

"Yeah?" she answers

You chuckle a little

"You are here. You are awake...i love you Max. I really do"

"you are not the worst either" she says still with her annoying and teasing voice

You smile at her "I love you Maxine"

"You know i love you too Y/l/n"

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