Burning (911/Lone Star)

Chapter Three "If You Loved Me, Why'd You Leave Me"

Christmas was around the corner and that had somewhat triggered Emily's abrupt escape to LA, she wanted to celebrate the holidays with her family, with her mother, for the first time in her life. Back at home in Austin, she didn't want to celebrate, it just made her heart hurt, knowing her mother was happy wherever she was probably with a new family that wasn't broken, not like she was.

Her phone pinged with a text from an unknown number but pretty quickly Emily knew it was her mother, Madeline Buckley. Before she replied she saved the number as 'Maddie/Mom' and then began to type out a reply. Her eyes scanned the text again before she pressed send and waited anxiously for a reply.

Maddie/Mom: Hey Emily, My shifts going to overrun a bit, would it be okay if we rescheduled for tomorrow? I'm sorry, talk later, x - Maddie,

Emily: Hey, yeah thats fine, I understand. Same place as original plan? Text me a time and I'll let you know. x

Maddie/Mom: Yeah same Cafe, its called Kiera's Delights on the corner, big neon sign. Let me know if you need anything or get lost. Is around 1pm okay for you? x merry christmas em.

Emily: Cool, sure, see you then. x merry christmas.

The text conversation soon ended and as the texts stopped, so did Emily's emotional restraint, her hands shook and her tears fell down her cheeks. Despite telling herself multiple times that she wouldn't do it, she just felt she had to, she craved the pain it gave her, the way it reassured her that she could still feel, even if it just added to her hurt, she still felt something, she still felt something that didn't make her want to die.

She rushed into her small bathroom and pulled out the razor blade, she pulled down the toilet seat and sat down. Thoughts rushed through her mind at a million miles an hour, telling her she should do it, that she shouldn't, that she was better than that, that she was strong, that she was worth it, but of course she didn't believe it and she continued. The familiar sensation clouded her nervous system and she just felt the pain. But she liked it.

Her arms began to bleed heavily and for a split second Emily regretted her actions but that was short lived as her vision swam in and out of focus. Slowly her eyes closed and her body slumped onto the floor as blood trickled out of the deep cuts across both of her forearms. She was alone and nobody knew she was struggling that much. She had promised herself that she wouldn't cut herself or make herself sick anymore, but she broke it and now she was unconscious and alone.

A couple of hours later, Emily slowly started to come round, her eyes opened and shut a few times and her fists clenched and unclenched. After a few minutes Emily had mustered up the energy and strength to push herself up and into a seated position. That was when she saw the blood smears across the floor and then she saw her reflection. Matted hair with blood in the tips, drenched clothes and pale skin. "Oh fuck." She muttered, grabbing a towel.

After a few minutes of holding the towels to her wounds the bleeding slowly stopped and her dizziness had subsided. With all the energy she could find, she hoisted her body up and onto the closed toilet seat, she knew she had gone too far with her new found addiction, but she knew she couldn't stop. After she was sure the bleeding had stopped completely, Emily took off her ruined clothes, bundled them in the messy towels and slowly climbed into the shower.

It took a few moments for the water to turn from cold to warm and to hot, Emily adjusted the temperature dial until it was practically scalding, but she could barely feel anything. Emily knew deep down that this wasn't safe, normal or healthy but she didn't care, it was helping and that was all she needed. She scrubbed at her skin angrily to get all the dried blood off of her arms and the rest of her body, after it had all gone, she still felt it, she felt dirty.