A Touch of Death

The December air was cold. The cheer of festivities didn't make it to the graveyard where he stood. The bare trees gave an eerie vibe where the dead laid cold. His eyes were misty and even the clouds threatened rain. The pain could be felt a mile away, yet there wasn't a company in sight.

Cold, Isolated, and bare.

The day was dead and so was the night. The heart that had once cheered, laughed, and loved, was grieving. The mind was racing with anxiety and the heart was dying with loss. It was the pain of being dead while breathing.

Adam looked at the gravestone of his wife, Tracy, again. There he imagined his.

Adam was a 34-year-old marketing executive at a fintech. When he had started at the firm 8 years ago, he was a passionate rising star. Full of vigour and ambition. Yet lately his seniors were contemplating his termination. Even though he knew this, he didn't care. He had lost his love, the very reason for his existence. He had fallen in love with her when they were just kids. He remembered her smile that made his whole day. Her crazy ideas that often lead to forming crazy memories. Her passion for writing and inspiring people to live their best. If love could be personified, he knew that it would be her. He always felt alive with her, and with her gone he felt nothing at all. In 2 months, they would have celebrated their 10-year anniversary, had not the fatal car accident taken her away from him 2 weeks ago. He felt helpless due to the unmatched rage and grief, stirring within him .

He could hear the soft laughter of kids in a distance, which pulled him out of his thoughts. He saw a family coming to visit a relative's grave, with flowers, love, and remembrance. The parents were telling the kids a story as they explored with excitement of something new.

The contrast was ironic. The silence of the dead was forgotten with a simple smile of a child. Life and death coexisted peacefully for a moment. He observed them. In a moment he was going to become very aware of himself, but just for a moment he was still.

Then there were gun shots, zapping through the peace. The sky came alive with thunder and lightning. And just like that there was chaos on heaven and earth. As above, so below.

A man marched on to the ground where the dead rested, with the mission to cause havoc. Maybe in an attempt to unleash his own pain and misery. The man pointed his gun towards Adam, who wasn't able fathom why himself. Maybe a blessing of the heavens or another curse of hell. He couldn't tell. To the common mind an attempt at escape would look more logical than standing still. However, to the one who had lost everything, nothing really mattered. He was merrily a husk breathing. He was ready for death for a very long time. It was the very thought giving him solace in his pain.

Silence dominated again. The rain poured cold and hard, yet not a single whisper was heard. Then gun shots roared again, punching holes into his lifeless body. Blood poured out of his vain, and the pain made death seem even more inviting.

You would think that's where his story ended, but it did not. It would be somewhat of a mistake to end his story just yet, because how can one die when death itself doesn't accept him?

He didn't feel himself anymore. There was darkness without time. He existed and yet he didn't. All was gone. Yet his consciousness remained.

He heard faceless voices and slowly he saw it all. Darkness.

Ghosts of the past and the memories of his heart, flashed before him. He was attending the grand premiere of his life.

He saw himself entering the world. The happiness and cheer he bought to the world was unimaginable. He saw himself exploring the world. Making friends, falling in love, winning a match, topping a grade. But they were also complimented with memories of enemies, heartbreaks, loss, and failure. It was never perfect, and it was never against him. Every pain gave into a desire for peace and love. Every lesson ensured a successful future. But at his darkest he lost hope – Hope to ever be better again. Hope to live and experience a better future. She was his everything and for once he was nothing without her.

The movie of his life ended, and so did his illusion of sadness. In the grand scheme of life, he felt the littlest of hope creeping into his mind. There was a time before her, and just maybe there could be a time after her. He wouldn't trade his memories with her for anything, but he realised that there could be more past his misery.

Darkness still surrounded him, but so did the light. It was the historical battle again, but this time he was God. Slowly, as if time itself had forgotten its pace, he started to remember who he was. He remembered the man he had become. His memories bought back moments of all the versions of himself he had been. From a bird's eye view, his story was marvellous. The expansion of his mind and soul was priceless. Through everything that he overcame, a new version of him was born. And as he changed so did the people around him. Even when he felt alone at his darkest moments, he was always connected to his friends and family. They honestly never abandoned him. It was he who in his despair pushed them away, instead of helping them help him. He was the prisoner of his own choices and yet he didn't want to accept it, for acceptance of failure often leads to the responsibility of success.

Darkness once again took over as he slowly began to creep back into his denial and despair. But this time he heard a thunder and saw a magnificent charge of lightening. Instead of the low whispers of the dark, he heard a clear loud voice laced with love. "Dead doesn't mean gone!"

Instead of malicious, he felt calm for once. He knew that her memory would live with him forever. He contemplated for a moment. He looked straight in front and saw himself. For the first time in his life, he felt some sort of compassion towards himself. He was a beautiful soul and he deserved life. He felt remorse for punishing himself with death when he still had so much to give to the world. He spoke softly, acknowledging the voice. "I know. She must live through me rather than with me. Even so, I now need to pick myself up. Care for my bleeding wounds and spend my time healing. I have become my own monster, I need to learn how to be kind to myself again, and let go of the pain I have trapped myself in."

Then he voiced the command that set him. "I WANT TO LIVE". For a moment there was stillness. Nothing moved or breathed. Nothing was heard or seen. Slowly there were muffled noises of panic. Sirens and women wailed, as mourning of the dead sailed. He felt raindrops kiss his face, and the ground beneath him release sweet fragrance of nature. His world felt alive once more. He was lying next to the love of his life. He wondered if Tracy was proud of him. He often called her his life, and now he was finally choosing her.

He looked at the raging heavens, and slowly felt his pain rushing to his brain. Opening his eyes he assessed the panic that was caused. Somebody had been shot. He remembered the gun shots and the pain of bullets. Many concerned faces were peering down at him. He was being rushed into a vehicle. An ambulance, he presumed. However, he motioned the paramedic to stop, who looked puzzled. "Sir, you have been shot. We need to get you to the hospital right now". But Adam could only stare at Tracy's grave. He had to look for a last time, before he was taken away.

As the vehicle sped up, the deafening thunder and the blinding rain replicated the agony of many screaming souls, yet he didn't join them. Not today. Even in his pain, he felt calm. He chose his peace. He had chosen life.

......

5 years had passed before the lovers met again. The sun was shining, and Adam held the most beautiful roses a lady could ever receive, for they were laced with love. He greeted Tracy lovingly and began speaking to her as though the barrier of time and death never existed. Through healing and self-love, he had finally understood the illusions of the world. Death, failure, pain, and time are merely human constructs. He was free of them now. He now lived a life of success, carrying on her mission of love and inspiration as a life coach, holding on to her memory every single day.

And this is how, a touch of death had inspired a spark of life. To some one is an illusion and another a reality, but who is to say which is which. And so, we know that there once existed a man who had loved so deeply, that his love had achieved immortality.

.......

Toady almost 50 years have passed. They both lie next to each other, joined in death, as they were in life. Her grave doesn't receive flowers and sweet whispers anymore. Yet, wild roses spring up every summer upon their graves, as if to say, 'Look here where love had defied life and death, where sorrow had given a man the will to live, and where neither heaven or hell could ever change the destiny of stubborn lovers.'

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THE END