Abandon Your Hope

Westside

"Alright sweetie! We are just gonna get you your necessities. Toilet paper, bedding, toothpaste and toothbrush, comb and soap." She listed each item as she pulled it out, dumping them into my hands unceremoniously. I barely manage to right all the items in my hands before she dumps another. Relief flushes me as she finally reaches the last item.

"So. Firstly, we assign bunk mates according to crime level, offense and all that jazz. With your crime and offense rating, hmm let's see now." She looked through her papers before sighing. "Ah yes. You're a level five security inmate. Which means you must've done somethin pretty bad. There's only two other level five inmates and since we only have two rooms for them, you'll be sharing a room with one of them."

My head spun. There is no way that's allowed right? Right? I had to assure myself that there must be some kind of mistake. "Excuse me miss- there must be a mistake. I can't room with a man." I protest firmly. There is no way I'll allow this.

The secretary's eyes narrowed dangerously. She whipped out a baton from under her desk and held it at the middle of my throat. I swallowed nervously and tried to quell my fear.

"Listen here you little cockroach. Here? You are nothing. Juvie is a cakewalk compared to here. Want a tip? Keep your mouth shut, your head down and do as your told. Don't attract any attention. It's never a good thing." The secretary lowered the baton away from my throat, the message was clear. She had no more need to threaten me.

My body automatically cringed into itself, seeking comfort from what had just happened. I softly rubbed my arms, feeling chilly from the cold air and the stiff atmosphere. The sense of impending doom seemed to crush me, feeding on my desperation. I was desperate- for what? I'm not sure. Perhaps desperate to get out of here. To escape my impending fate. To prove that I don't belong here. Though nobody else seems to feel the same.

After a moment or two, the secretary stood up and gathered some papers. I had no idea what the papers were for. Maybe it was my info. Shock spread through me when she hands me a paper, indicating for me to take it. Gently I take the paper and look over it. A map?

I look at her suspiciously. Why would she give me a map. I mean- I'm not complaining. Having a map would help me to lay out the place.

"That is a map of your floor. You won't be taken to other floors very often. Most likely only for medical reasons or perhaps if you have a visitor. Which-" she pauses and looks me up and down before continuing. "-doesn't seem very likely."

A frown sits on my face, not quite sure how to respond to that. While she was right that nobody would be coming to visit me, I don't see why she had to act so snotty about it. My brain battled for a moment on whether I should say something snarky back or not. Ultimately, I decided it was in my best interest not to. As she had said, head down and keep my mouth shut. I had already decided to take her words as law. It's the best advice I'll get here so I might as well.

I followed the secretary down multiple staircases. Her heels clacked on the tile as she padded along. Panting, I tried my best to keep pace with her. After a few staircases, I decided it was futile. I had no idea how this lady had so much stamina, in heels at that, but I admired her for it. By the time we made it to the bottom, or what I assumed was the bottom, I was ready to keel over. A guard had grabbed me under my arm and held me upright. My eyes watered as I struggled to inhale precious air. My lungs burned and my head felt light. I hadn't done that much exercise in years.

The secretary politely waited for me to catch my breath and compose myself. Once I'm able to breath properly again, she leads me to the end of the hallway. She talks to the guards by the gate as I look around me. This must be where the cells are. Apprehension and anxiety build in my gut, making it hard for me to focus. I had to pick one of the men to stay with. There were only two cells, and now it was three level five security inmates. I don't know how they managed this. You would think they would plan more cells. But I suppose not many are this deep in security.

The gates opened and the guards dragged me along. Having grabbed my arm when we neared the gates. I saw a large hallway and only two doors. One on the right and one on the left. The door on the right was closed, obviously to keep at least a shred of privacy. The one on the left was open though. In the cell, there was the typical beds. In the back corner sat a little desk. On it was a laptop.

'Weird. I've never seen prisoners get technology like this before.' I ponder, my gaze wandering along the desk again. In the corner of the desk sat pencils and pens in a little spiral jar. A notebook sat next to the laptop and multiple books and binders occupied the desk shelves. There was another little door by the desk, opening to show a mini bathroom. I was baffled on who this man had to be to get a privacy bathroom like that.

'Probably nobody good. I'll have to stick to myself as much as possible.' My thoughts race around my head, threatening to drown me. I try to distract myself by taking in more of my surroundings. Seeing as the bottom bunk had bedding on it already, I went ahead and put my stuff on the top bunk.

The secretary watched me for a moment before she nodded softly. "One more thing. Be sure not to piss them off. These men are security five for a reason. While I have my doubts that you really need this security, for them it's no question. Watch yourself girl." Her eyes lock onto mine- a message there that I couldn't exactly pinpoint. I nodded and she left with the other guards. One guard locked the outside gate and stood outside it. Two more guards stood at the outer gate. Two more at the elevator and gone she was.

I wondered what the elevators were like. Prisoners were not allowed access to the elevators, being forced to use the stairs instead. So the elevator was a mystery. I didn't think I'd be able to see inside it any time soon, if ever. It didn't take long for me to wonder where my supposed cellmate was. I had no idea the schedule here and the secretary had said it was my cellmates job to tell me about the schedule. Maybe I missed the part where he would care enough to do that.

Making my bed was easy. It was ingrained in me to have my bed made. I lay down and stare up at the ceiling and wonder where I had gone wrong. Was there something I had missed? Had I done something to deserve this? I could never figure it out. Surely nothing I had done was worth this. But nothing ever answered the small whispered prayers I had sent. Many of them were out of desperation, a hope that I should have long since abandoned. But I couldn't give up because if I did, then what? I would have nothing to survive for. With thoughts spinning around my head, my eyes fluttered shut after awhile. Silence and darkness clouded my mind as I drifted to sleep.

I woke up with a start- alarm ringing through my head when I realize there was a hand covering my mouth. Trying to inhale through my nose, I desperately clawed at the hand. Multiple situations swam through my head, fear prominent in my entire being. My hands shook and my eyes watered. 'Is this it? Is he gonna kill me?'

"Shhh. Calm down I'm not gonna kill you." A deep gruff voice sounded in the air. Immediately I froze. I so very much wanted to ask him why he was doing this. Why he thought it was ok to touch me. To threaten him- anything to show strength. But as it was- I couldn't. Not only would it be obvious I'm not strong, he might decide to pulverize me instead.

"Here's what is gonna happen. You're going to tell me why the fuck you're in my cell. Then I'll decide on whether I should kill you or not." He sounded so calm as he threatened my life. Who was this dude? My hands shook as I waited for him to remove his hand so I could speak.

"My name is Jade. I was put here by the guards and told that I had to share a cell with one of the two security five inmates. I'm guessing one of those is you?" My voice came out so soft and low. I cursed myself for showing weakness. The man gritted his teeth- obviously not liking what I had to say.

"Oh did they now? Well- guess I'll have to have a talk with the guards." He muttered- walking away from the beds and out of the cell. It baffled me that he just walked out like it wasn't a big deal. As his footsteps faded and I heard the outer gate open- I wondered just how much freedom this supposed level five security inmate had. As I settled back onto the hard cot- I realized I hadn't even gotten his name. 'Oh well. I'm sure I'll find out soon enough.' I thought as I drifted back to sleep. Yea