There I am still on the couch now sitting up, my hands on the sides of my face. My eyes were so wide, I think they were going to pop out. 'Why did that...' I groan, "I think I might be going crazy" I said to myself.
I stand up and go back to my room, there were clothes everywhere, my bed was a mess, my books and notes are still open. I decided to clean before I lost myself again, I started with picking up all the dirty clothes and put them in the laundry basket. After that I make my bed, as I was fixing the pillows I noticed a note under one of them.
I opened it, it read
Dear Amy,
I hope you see this letter under your pillow, I wrote this to tell you that I love you so much. After a week and a half, its our anniversary! I hope your excited as I am, I know I shouldn't be telling you this because its a surprise but I made a painting of the both of us on our 1st anniversary. Stella is there as well so don't worry, love. Its half done but I'm gonna finish it today, I'm so excited to see your reaction!
- Ivan
...
Damn it.
A week and a half before our anniversary?
Our anniversary is in 2 days... I could feel my hands shake, I cover my mouth.
I hate this, I hate this, I hate this.
It hurts, it hurts so damn much. I slam the note down on my night stand and stand up and continued fixing my bed, I need time to process all of this. Tears started falling AGAIN.
"Damn it, damn it, DAMN IT" I shout, my vision was so blurry, my whole body shaking, I couldn't breath it feels like I'm about to pass out, my head hurts like crazy. I look around my room to try and find something to help me with this endless pain.
Nothing, I couldn't find anything. I sit down on my bed bringing a hand to my chest, my heart beating mile a minute, I was hyperventilating, I could hear loud ringing I cover my ears to drown out the sound, but it didn't work, I could still hear it loud and clear.
I never thought that out of everyone why did it have to be you that died, I cant blame anyone else other than that stupid drunk truck driver. I don't know what to do, if I move even an inch, it hurts.
How can a human cry this much? I didn't think I was capable of crying for 7 days straight. But apparently I can, I cant keep doing this. This has to stop, but I cant. I keep holding on to him, even if he's not with me, I try to control my breathing. Once my crying turned into hiccups my body couldn't handle anything anymore. I was too tired.
So I decided to sleep. I lay there, one hand on my stomach, looking at the ceiling counting to 10.
1
2
3
4
5
6
7...
...
I cant sleep. I'm exhausted but I cant sleep. So I keep looking at the ceiling, just thinking if I answered his messages, his calls would it all be different? or will it all be the same..?
I close my eyes, all the thoughts in my mind, all of them directed to him. Its like a bitch slap from the universe telling me, I cant be happy for the rest of my life. Maybe I should have just not let my feelings get in the way of every single thing in my life. I took a deep breath in, letting out a sad sigh. Before I knew it, I was sleeping.
!2nd person POV!
I was walking my way up the stairs, when a the sudden feeling of guilt rushed through my veins. I furrow my eyebrows, what is this? Why am I feeling this? I shake it off and continued walking my way up to my apartment. I take my keys and open the door, all I wanted to do was sleep but nooooo we have exams next week so endless nights of caffeine and studying? that's the way to go.
I take of my backpack and put in on the floor next to the couch and sit down. God, I finally finished all my errands today, just a minutes rest would be nice.
I close my eyes, the lack of sleep last night was not ideal.
That crash... Ugh.
