There I am hugging Alyssa as she was mourning, her eyes filled with tears, she was looking on the ground the sight of her brother made her sick to the stomach. She tried so hard to keep her posture strong but she just couldn't.
His parents, crying as well we couldn't bear the sight of Ivan laying in the casket. I had my eyes closed, my chest hurts so much. Just the thought of him not next to me is hard enough, I felt Alyssa's grip tighten around my waist I rub her back for comfort, to which I hear her sniffle.
'Why did it have to be like this?'
It all happened so quickly, its already been a week yet somehow it feels like it all happened just yesterday. I'm on my bed the funeral finished 5 hours ago, its 8pm I haven't even eaten since I came home. My mom dropped by and left food, she asked me if I was doing ok, I didn't answer I didn't want to talk to anyone yet.
I'm not ready yet, I don't know if I will be. I have to study since examination week is coming, I try getting up but the lack of sleep from this week is keeping me curled up in my bed. I close my eyes to relax, but all I can think about is Ivan in that damn casket I clench my hands, fingernails digging in the palm of my hand.
'I have to get through this, if I don't then I won't get over this.'
I sit up holding my head, I feel like I'm gonna pass out from all of these headaches. I swing my legs over to the side of the bed standing up, walking out of my room and into the kitchen seeing the food my mom left me, its still warm giving the fact she left it like 15 minutes ago.
I take a plate and the needed utensils and started eating.
^After 25 minutes^
I finished eating and took a shower, getting ready to study I take all of my books and notes, putting on some calming music to focus more. As I started reading I heard my phone ring, it was Amber. Why would she call me? Despite that thought I answered it.
"Hello?" "Amy! Hi, its been a while hasn't it?" she started talking, "Yeah, it has. What made you call me, if you don't mind me asking?" I said "Oh, nothing just wanted to know if you doing good after you know..." her voice slightly got quiet when she said the last two words. My hand clenched, I sigh deeply "You don't have to worry about me, I'm fine" my voice laced with a hint of annoyance.
"Are you sure? Cuz I can come over in like 20 minutes?" I close my eyes to think if I actually want her here. "I'm sure, Amber" I said trying to sound convincing, enough so she can leave me alone "Hmm, ok fine Ill leave you alone. Bye!" "Bye" I replied quickly and hung up.
I put my phone down and continued reading, as a few seconds go by water droplets can be seen on my book I furrow my eyebrows and wiped my eyes. Tears?
'Tears.'
"Fuck" I said with a groan, I took deep breaths to try and calm me down but it won't work. Tears just keep falling down. I'm so tired, I cant think properly. Laying down my head on my arm, all I can think about is him.
I get out of my room and go to the living room, 'Maybe some TV can get him off my mind.' I thought, I grab the remote and turn the TV on, just some dumb cooking show. I had the sudden urge to sleep, so put my legs up on the couch and cover it with the blanket that was folded next to me.
"The next thing you want to add..." was the last thing I heard before darkness took over me.
We were laughing, we had our aprons on. I was mixing the batter and Ivan was greasing the pan, we were baking muffins "Hey, Amy do you need some more FLOUR?!" Ivan threw a bit of flour on my face as he yelled the last part of his sentence, I gasped as I stopped mixing the batter "Oh.. my.. you little piece of-" I said before chasing him. He immediately caught on and ran to the other side.
I had flour in my hands to throw on him but he was a bit faster than me, as I was getting near I threw the flour on his head and stopped running and just laughed. Before I knew it, he hugged me by my back and put his head at the crook of my neck, making me giggle. "Hey! Stop it" Ivan ignoring my protest, kisses my neck making me laugh.
"Hey, I said stop ittt" I said in a pouty voice, "Fine, fine I'll stop just for you" he said with a wide smile on his face, making my cheeks heat up I look away embarrassed. "God... I cant imagine a world without you" I said with a lowered voice "You don't have to imagine." he replied "What...?" I asked confused, he let's go of my waist and takes a step back.
"Amy... You have to stop thinking about me" he said with a monotone voice, as I try to reach him everything suddenly goes black, making me fall.
I jolt up, a bead of sweat trails down from my forehead to my neck, I quickly wipe it off
"Shit"
