The forgotten life...wife

It is the truth or maybe not...

"Sure, text me the list", and I ended the call. 

The only time we communicate like an adult is when it is regarding our home or Luke. 

It's been a while since we last had our argument. I stopped approaching her after that last incident anyway. I don't think my heart can take any more. Whatever I'm already feeling will take me years and years to heal. 

How did we even get to this? On one night we were saying 'I love you' to each other and the next morning its all just gone. She hates me. My wife literally hates me, hates having a kid with me, hates to be in the same room as me. And it's my 30th birthday today. What a time to live!

I can go on and on about how shitty I feel about my life right now, and I also know people out there might be going through worse, so I shouldn't complain as much cause Bailey can get back her memory any time and all this can be kept aside. But what if we don't get past this?

What if she chooses to leave me? 

I don't even want to think about the outcome of that. I can bear living with her hating me, but not having her at all? No way. I can't. And this is all because of me. If only I had tried harder then...

'ding'

The message from Bailey brought me out of my pathetic self-pity and its time to be to back home.

After a good 30-40 minutes in the grocery store, I finally reached home. The house felt alarmingly quiet. I am not used to this. Before Bailey lost her memory, she loved listening to soft music whenever she was home. She listens to it whenever she cooks or cleans, but now our home isn't how it used to me. 

So much can change in just over a month. 

I didn't want to see her and dampen my mood further. So, I put all the groceries on the kitchen counter and made my way to my room. Yes, I sleep in a different room across our bedroom. 

No matter how much I hate it, it's better this way. 

After showering, I made my way to the kitchen to make myself some snack. There's still no sign of her or Luke. 

'Where could they have gone?'

And if she was going out with Luke, she wouldn't have called me to get the groceries. She would have done it on her own. 

I suddenly grew panic on both their whereabouts. I called all her friends and none of them seem to have known where she might be. 

I tried calling her but her phone kept going to voicemail. 

With my racing heart and sweating palms, I called Emma for help. 

As strange as it may possibly sound, Emma isn't answering my call either. Emma is the one person that knows how important every second is. In all the years I have known her, she had never once not answered my call. 

Gosh, what is happening? Why can't I have a day in peace?

Weird thoughts started clouding my mind. I quickly grabbed my purse and car keys to go to Emma's house. Something is definitely fishy. 

Driving way over the speed limit, I could only pray to not get pulled over by the cops. 

I arrived at Emma's at a record time. Parking my car in front of her house, I quickly jumped out and went knocking on her door. Yet, no reply. Her car wasn't in the garage either. 

Pacing left and right, I tried to call her again but this time I heard it ringing. She left the phone at home. 

Trying to think only positively, I told myself she might be at the hospital performing some emergency surgery so she might have left her phone in a hurry. Yet, it didn't feel right. My guts were telling me to get into the house. 

When I turned the knob, it was surprisingly unlock. Pushing the door open skeptically, I walked in slowly looking at every direction for any sort of danger, but everything appeared normal. 

Suddenly, a loud bang was heard in the kitchen. I ran in there and saw the stupidest thing ever.

Emma, Luke, Bailey, her friends, Marcus and Matt all in the kitchen standing around with a birthday cake on the counter. 

Quickly Emma ran to me, throwing herself in a big hug, "Happy Birthday bestie!!!!", she screamed her lungs out. 

Dang, this people scared the shit out of me!

With an exasperated sigh, I lightly pushed Emma away and walked out to the backyard to breathe for a second before I blast. 

Right away, Emma came running behind me. 

"Ruth, what's wrong?"

I stopped walking when she spoke, and turned towards her in fury. 

"What do you mean what's wrong Emma? Do you know how worried I was when I went home to no one, called you and no answer?"

"Why? You out of all people? I told you I didn't want to celebrate my birthday. If none of you can respect my wishes then don't even bother asking", I spoke in pain and fury. Only I know how it feels. 

"Ruth, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. We just wanted to throw you a surprise.", Emma tried to convince me again but I was truly upset. 

"Ruth, please don't be mad at Emma. We planned this together. We just really thought you would be happy", Bailey spoke softly. I didn't even know when she came out to the backyard, but looking at her now, just angered me further. 

"What do you even want from me Bailey?", I shook my head honestly confused. 

"On one day, you hate me and on another day, you're throwing me a surprise birthday party. I cannot understand you. Do you know how sickeningly worried I was when I went home and Luke wasn't home?" I panted furiously. Both Emma and Bailey were hurt, it was evident in their eyes. But they also looked guilty for putting me in such a situation. 

"Why are you doing this to me? What did I ever do for you to hate me this much?", I finally had the courage to accept the fact that she truly hates me, no matter how bad it hurts. 

"Ruth, enough", Emma came in between us like I was making a mistake. 

"She only did this because I asked her to help. And we both did it to make you happy, not the contrary. If you can't even understand that, then something is definitely wrong with you.", Emma spat and I swear nothing hurts worst than your friend defending someone that hates you. I couldn't believe my eyes, and it stung so bad. Holding back my tongue, I choke on my spit for a second. 

Slowly regulating my breathe, I turned towards Bailey and spoke with a shake of my head, I knew I would regret it sooner but I couldn't stop myself any further from saying it, "If you want me gone, just say so. I don't like to be used as a piece of rag, to use whenever you need and throw when you don't. If you want to be with Rowan, go ahead, I will start with the divorce paperwork", at this Bailey sucked in her breathe in shock. 

"Did you really think I wouldn't know? I thought I could live with you hating me when you lost the memory but learning that you had feelings for him while pretending to be in love with me, there's no worst way to kill me alive. Thanks for all that",  I finally said it. Yes, I saw their messages and email coincidentally a few weeks ago. I didn't want to believe it at first, but now nothing seems clearer. 

I was just too dumb to realize. 

Now that I think about it, I doubt that Luke could even be his offspring. My face scrunch in disgust even thinking about that. Geez, I can't even confirm it, now that Bailey doesn't remember anything. This day just couldn't get any worse.