on my block ( omb )

part 21🤷‍♀️

( ⚠️massive trigger warning. DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY SELF HARM ,SUICIDE , MENTION OF SUICIDE , DRUGS , ALCOHOL ,OD, OR MENTION OF BLADES/ KNIFES. ⚠️)

I sat in my bed tipping up the alcohol bottle in my hand. Cesar texted me an hour ago saying spooky was outside rubbing up on some girl. All of my friends just got into another argument after we had jus got the friend group back together and now nobody's Friends again. My brother just got done yelling at me about anything and everything because he was drunk. I was so done with everything, and every time my life starts going good it all goes downhill. I finished off the rest of the alcohol and sat the bottle by my bed. My head was pounding from how much alcohol I'd been drinking, but ibuprofen wasn't helping. I started crying again because at this point that's all I could do. I knew everything that was happening was my fault. but I couldn't take it back now.
           I looked in my drawer and stared at the blade sitting there. I grabbed it out and looked at it for a minute thinking about if I wanted to do what I was thinking of doing. Sadeyes knocking at my door my door made me forget what I was about to do. I put the blade in the drawer and shut it.
      "come in." I said softly.
              "I'm sorry Val. I didny mean to yell at you. I know your going through a lot and I just..let my anger get the best of me. you ain't mad at me are you?" He asked me.
"it's okay" I said gettin up.
               "You need anything?" He asked.
       "More alcohol."
                 "don't drink too much Val." He said closing my door and walking out. opening the front door.
       I heard his car start. was he actually going to get me alcohol? I smiled thinking about his getting me it. He was such a great brother. I stood up and plugged my phone in. it had been dead for a while. I sat and watched it till it turned on. I laid back for a minute and waited to see if anyone had texted me. My phone went off about six times. I looked over. spooky texted me. and then Cesar. I shook my head and got back up. I didn't have time for them. everything that's happening is because of them. I walked into the living room stumbling a little.
The front door opened. I turned my head back. it was sadeyes. He held up the alcohol bottle with a smile on his face. I felt a guilt in my mind, but I overlooked it. I walked over to him and grabbed the bottle.
"how about you come n sit on the couch and we watch your favorite movie and talk stuff out?" sadeyes said looking down at me.
     I nodded. I didn't need to be all alone in my room, especially with the stuff I had in there. I walked over and sat on the couch. He sat down next to me and opened the bottle.
       "we can talking about anything you want. I won't be mad Valerie. please just tell me what's wrong." Sadeyes said.
     He had the kindest smile on his face. I didn't wanna disappoint him by telling him what was wrong with me. I knew he would judge me no matter if he said he wouldn't or not. I pulled my sleeves further down nervously. He looked down at my sleeves then up at me. He knew I never wore hoodies.
        "Val talk to me please. I want to help you." He said.
       "I just don't know why everything's happening. sadeyes I was actually happy and now my life is going downhill again. why?" I asked looking up at him with tears in my eyes.
      "everything happens for a reason Val. what's all happening?" He asked
        "Me and Oscar broke up. he was all up on a girl a couple hours ago. and the friend group broke up again." I said crying hard.
        sadeyes pulled me in for a hug. I was shocked. sadeyes didn't ever hug me. I hugged back tightly.
        "have u hurt yourself Val." He asked and stopped hugging me.
       I looked up at him. I didn't want him to be mad at me. but he would be even angrier if I didn't tell him. I lifted my hands up and pulled my sleeves up. He looked down at my wrists for a minute not saying anything. He stood up and got on his phone going to the bathroom. I don't know who he was otp with but he was talking to them  like a dog. I walked to my room and grabbed my phone
     'Val I'm sorry don't do nothin stupid.'
      'You there Val?'
     'I'm sorry. I really am.'
     'Come over and we can work things out.'
      'Val it's been 2 hours. you good?'
       'Don't believe what Cesar says.'
       'Cmon Val..answer me I know you see these.'
         'please don't be drinking n shit val.

                I didn't answer his messages. There was no point.
         'Oscar's drunk asf and I'm pretty sure hes going to fw other bitches rn."
         Is the text Cesar sent me 3 hours ago. More tears streamed down my face. I heard the front door open and slam shut. I looked out the window. Sadeyes was leaving again.