Stars Don't Judge

I

I look down over the edge of the bridge, the water
unruly and unforgiving as it plows down the river.

"Please. I don't want to die." I plead as I'm stuck in place. As if the water has me in a trance. Unmoving.

"Yes you do." the voice says. If he was visible, he'd have a smirk on his face. So close to his goal.

"Please," I'm sobbing at this point. Shoulders harshly wracking with each breath.

"I don't want to die."

I'm begging, pleading, hoping that someone, anyone, can save me from this.

"Why are you doing this?" I beg. I need to know. How could the voice be so unforgiving?

"Because you deserve it." He spat through gritted teeth.

I pause.

Like a click in my mind, a switch turning off.

Numb.

He's right.

How could I be so silly?

I've always wanted this right?

"See? I've always known what we've wanted. When have I ever been wrong?" The voice says, the smirk back on his face.

All I can do is nod dumbly, "Yeah."

He's right.
Always has been.
I've never been able to get away from him.
He's always there in the back of my mind.
Waiting.
Watching.
Looking for any reason to remind me just how useless I am.

I look back down at the water.
The unforgiving current now looking more inviting. The water doesn't look as rough anymore. It's an exit. My exit. My escape from this voice who never did know what I truly wanted.

Deep deep down, I know I don't want this. But the small part of me, the voice in the back of my head, feels so much bigger now.

Staring intently at the water,
I know.
This is my time.
This is it.

I take a step back. Preparing myself for what I'm about to do.

"That's it," I hear the voice praise, as if coaxing a scared animal towards him. "Now all you have to do is take that step, yeah?"

I nod, not fully feeling like myself.

I look up at the sky, admiring the stars for the last time. I've always loved them. Every single one looking down at you almost with a smile. The stars never judge you. How could they? They see the world through such innocent admiration.

I close my eyes, still looking up. As I inhale a deep breath, I listen to the cars speed past behind me.

Maybe the voice really was right.
I do want this.
This is what I want to do.
Why should I have to sit here in this world that never did anything for me, when I could just be gone?
I want this.

I open my eyes and look down at the water again. The voice now silent, having confirmed my choice. The adrenaline pumping through my veins as I think about what I'm about to do.
I lean forward, closer over the edge. My body screaming at me to stay on solid ground, but my mind was already made up. I want this.

Just before I can give myself over to gravity, I hear the frantic pounding of feet against sidewalk as someone yells, "Hey! Hey stop! Don't!"
I whip my head around to see a man running towards me. Arms outstretched as if he could grab me from feet away. I start to panic. Oh god. He's caught me. He's not gonna let me jump. I have to do it now.

I turn away from the man and hesitantly step off the edge.