Eventually

the first time I had moved was when I was only 17

i've added 7 more times to that in the last 5 years painstakingly

i've had to switch jobs 8 different times

and even now I'm searching for the 9th

had 3 different cars slow me down

rather than give me the freedom they allow

i used my last penny to fill up on gas

only to wake up and see it up another 40 cents

i felt my heart break for the first time at age 19

then endured again at 21 having love taken from me

i've had to give up an entire side of my family

because they refused to treat me as worthy

watching people come and go so easily

has to be the uttermost heartbreaking insanity

found a 3rd nodule in my throat, speculating it's cancer

but without insurance, like rabies, death will be my only answer

i stopped getting my period almost 2 years ago, for reasons unknown

although I'll assume it's from all the stress and the weight my bones have let go

i say I'm done and am ready to let go

but as soon as I stop, I get back up, ready to grow

wondering what it will be that comes in my path to finally break me

when for 22 years the earth under me has been shattering

a whole history of fucked up family genetics, countless names of addiction

but I still choose faith and tolerance over Daniel's and Jameson

i build myself back up from the ground

and grow weary as life shoots me right back down

watching every cloud turn the brightest days into a small dim light

waiting optimistically grateful through every moonlit night

still I push on despite the pain

not even caring at this point if it's all in vain

and even through all that life takes from me

my heart in it's strength beats on forever patiently

i want to give up but I know I'll never dare

i'll swim towards the surface until my lungs are out of air

the breath I'm looking for may never come

but like I said I'll live until all of the oxygen is taken from my lungs

and if it takes seventy years to get where I'm going

then I will continue to swim until my body stops running

i believe in where I am going and I won't give myself a choice

as journeying through this life may only ever be the only rejoice

go ahead and take everything: my home, my car, my health, my sanity

i will still go forward with hope and unbreakable certainty

that I will get where I'm going, eventually