His Journal Notebook (Completed)

CHAPTER 5

Hindi ko alam kung paano ako nakalabas kahit na nung una ay alam kong ni-lock ni Cleo ang pinto pwro hindi ko na pinansin at dumiretso sa bahay.

Kama agad ang tinahak ng aking paa at pagakahigang-paglahiga, saka bumuhos ang luha. The world just don't get it, do they? When you want something, it's what they pushes away from you. And when you don't want something, it's what they keep on clinging closely to you.

I just don't get it. I really, really don't get it.

I had enough with love. I had enough with the pain. And loving myself is something I have no choice but to do. Because realizing as it is, this is reality. This is where I am.

And reality hurts.

NEW DAY, new day for work. Yes, I tried to work all over again kasi parang na-bored din ako at para na rin hindi maalala si Art. So, kahit naririnig ko ang pinagchichismis at ingay ni Alice, hinayaan ko at gusto ko lang pagtuunan ang mga ginagawa ko.

Ganoom lang araw-araw. Walang masyadong ganap, o kahit ano. Well, maybe maliban na lang sa tilian ng mga babae sa bandang labas ng Office. Iritang-irita ako kaya I see it for myself pero nagulat lang ako sa naabutan ko roon.

Instead of seeing a celebrity or someone that hypes someone like Alice, I saw... Cleo. Talking and as if looking for someone everywhere. Pero anong ginagawa niya rito? Ilang days din siyang hindi nagpakita. Tapos...

Dahil wala naman na akong pake at gusto ko na lang magtrabaho ay humakbang at tumalikod na ako paalis nang marinig ko siyang sumigaw.

“Kyra! Děngdài!”

Samu’t-saring bulungan ang nangyari pagkatapos no’n. Napatigil din ako sa paglayo at npapapikit. Ano na namang gustong mangyari nito? Saka, ibigsabihin ba ay ako ang sadya niya rito?
 
Pagkalingong-pagkalingon ko ay nakita ko ang malawak niyang ngiti na may…
bulaklak sa harap?! Where did it come from? Did he really intend to make a scene? Here at my work? Really?
 
“For you.” Mas lumakas ang bulungan sa gilid at may iba pang nagtilian. My mouth dropped at what he said. I could reject and slap him the flowers right away, but not here. Not where I can see Alice with an evil grin on her face. I could easily tell what’s on her mind right now. Kaya ang ginawa ko ay hinatak—I mean, kinladkad ko paalis roon si Cleo patungo sa isang pribadong lugar na alam ko. Inis ko siyang hinarap.
 
“What are you doing here, Cleo? I thought I already made myself clear to you?”
 
“What clear? That you don’t wanna see me ever again after last week? You did, but you didn’t tell where and when.”
 
“We know that’s not what I meant, Cleo. Stop using this dumb answers just because you wanted to! At paano mo rin ba nalaman na dito ako nagtatrabaho?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Just a guess.”

“A guess? You wouldn’t know it not unless I said so, or—” I stopped. Realizing something. “Have you stalked me for the last few days?”

“I am not,” he claimed, but a smile is forming on his lips.

“Tell. Me. The. Truth.” His smile vanished and took a step forward me. I showed no fear of what he was doing.

“You wanted the truth? Fine. I wanted to see you.”

I don't even know why my heart hammered!

My brow raised. “So? You should've called me or something. Hindi yung parang gagawa ka ng eksena! Madami pa namang chismosa rito.” I suddenly thought of Alice and her grin. Makes me think of what she said the other time.
 
“And that's what I wanted to happen.”

I frustratedly faced him. Was about to burst out when the door of the room we're in, opened. It was Alice. Still with her smile. Not wanting to make her see me and Cleo together, I walked out. But that's just half midway because she speak suddenly.

“Kaya mo naman pa lang mag-move on. May pa-absent ka pa noon nalalaman, may mahahanap din pala agad.”

I clenched my fists. “You don't know what I've been through, Alice. So better shut your mouth if you have nothing nice to say.”

“Ang point ko lang, bakit di mo agad inamin ang ganito sa akin? Na nagsinungaling ka pa?”

“Kailangan bamg aminin ko sayo? Pwede mo kasing ma-ichismis sa ang iba ang mga pinagsasasabi ko sayo.”

“Ganyan ba talaga ang tingin mo sa akin, Kyra? Isang chismosamg walang magawa sa buhay? Hindi ba pwedeng... I'm a friend who's been desperate for your attention and always ready to be at your side?”

“Dahil ganoon ka naman talaga.” Mabilis ang mga paang lumayo ako roon. But as I got out of that room, I felt guilty. Tama ba na nasabihan ko siya noon? I know that she only wants me to be her friend pero minsan kasi masyado na siya nakikiisyoso sa buhay ko. Gusto ko lang ng tahimik na buhay, please lang.

Sa mga milyong-milyong sumulpot sa aking isip ay di ko na namalayan ang pagsunod pala sa akin ni Cleo. Tinatawag niya ang pangalan ko at inaaya niya akong mag-dinner daw kami.

“Go away, Cleo. I want my own space. Will you please give me that?”

“Sandali lang kasi, Kyra!” Ngunit hindi ako nakinig at nagpatuloy sa pag-lakad nang mabilis. Nakarating na ako sa parking lot pero siya ay nakasunod pa rin kaya inis ko siyang hinarap.

“Ano ba, Cleo? Ano pa bang kailangan mo sa akin?! I told you that i don't wanna see you ever agagin hut here you are, following and stalking me in my work!”

“I am not stalking you—”

“E di ano 'tong ginagawa mo? Coincidence? Same tayo ng pinagtatrabahuan ngayon?”

He sighed. “Remember the time when I said, "maybe you could consider someone being in love with you and could like them back afterwards"?” Nagsimula siyang humakbang palapit sa akin. Doon lang ako biglang na-intimidate at napaatras ng hakbang sa kanya. I took a step back. And another. And then another. Until the wall hit me.

I couldn't tell myself to look at him, but then he reached for my chin to met his. My heart doubled the pace of my beating. I couldn't breath normally as I stare back at those eyes.

“What if it's me? What if I've fallen in love with you? Will you allow me to... make you fall in love with me?”