we're not on the map but we're on our way

2/3

They gasp for breath on the bed, sticky skin and sticky sheets, and Brendon is still on his back, his eyes wide and shocked. Jon and Spencer are on both of his sides, and the four hands keep moving, lovingly, reassuringly.

Jon pulls Brendon to him and Brendon hides his face in the crook of his neck. "Shh," Jon whispers. Spencer spoons Brendon from behind, and it's almost as if Brendon is trying to disappear between them.

"You're okay," Spencer whispers against the shell of Brendon's ear. Brendon nods as he lies warm between the two bodies keeping him out of harm's way.

He's okay.

* * *

The closer they get to Pennsylvania, the more nervous Spencer gets. Jon ignores it, but Brendon tries his best to keep Spencer happy. Brendon has gotten touchy with them because he needs to see that they will let him. Brendon will kiss Jon's cheek or he will try to hold Spencer's hand, and his eyes are constantly asking, "Is this okay?" Jon and Spencer smile, letting him know it's fine.

At a rest stop Jon gathers his courage and goes to the payphone. He is closer to Illinois than he has been since he left. He dials a number, and it's a number he knows by heart.

The phone rings and he stands there, just outside the restrooms where the payphones are. He taps the wall nervously, and he isn't sure why he is calling or what he is hoping to achieve by doing this, but he does it anyway.

"Hello?"

Jon freezes. He recognises the voice and it's a voice he has missed. He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. He is stuck somewhere with two boys he doesn't know the last names of, and with every day that passes he feels like he is losing himself, and he isn't feeling better, he feels worse.

"Hello?" the voice says again.

Jon's hands sweat and his heart pounds.

"Jon, is that you?"

Jon wants to say yes. It's the only thing he wants to do.

"Jon," the male voice says, and the one word is so full of different feelings that Jon hangs up, because he can't deal with the bitterness in that voice, the anger. That didn't make him feel better. It made him feel worse because it reminded him that he can't take his actions back. He can't change what he has done.

Jon goes outside to have a smoke, and he finds Brendon there, leaning against his Ford like he first did at Grand Canyon. Again Brendon is fiddling with his phone.

"Your parents call you yet?" Jon asks with the cigarette between his lips. Brendon looks up, surprised and Jon says, "Spencer told me."

"Oh," Brendon sighs. "No. Not yet."

Jon nods and leans against the side of the car. They stand there and Brendon keeps looking around. "So... once we... we drive Spencer to Delmont, I... I was thinking Florida," Brendon mutters.

"Is that where your friend lives?"

Brendon isn't stupid and he knows they all know he has no friend on the East Coast. "No. But I've never been to Disney World," Brendon grins sheepishly.

Jon has to laugh. "You want to go to Disney World?"

"What? Doesn't fit in your schedule, does it?" Brendon jokes and Jon grins.

"It fits, it fits," Jon nods. And Jon feels relieved. Brendon has given him an excuse to keep running. Jon passes Brendon the cigarette, who takes it. Brendon takes it to his lips and soon is coughing into his fist, his eyes watering. Jon laughs and Brendon flips him off. "Smoking isn't for everyone," Jon says and Brendon nods and keeps coughing.