we're not on the map but we're on our way

2/3

By the time they have been driving for four hours and Spencer and Jon have switched places, Brendon officially misses Ryan. It comes to him as a harsh blow because he liked Ryan. He likes all of them. Jon and Spencer don't seem too bothered, but Brendon talks twice as much to fill in the gap Ryan left behind. Ryan was the one who got Jon talking, and without Ryan, Jon doesn't say much. Spencer thinks this means he doesn't have to say much either. Brendon hopes Ryan is okay, wherever he is, and that he doesn't get into any bar fights. More than anything, Brendon hopes he will see Ryan again.

"Where in Pennsylvania are you going?" Jon asks.

"Delmont," Spencer replies.

"What's in Delmont?"

Spencer coughs and doesn't reply.

Jon keeps his eyes on the road ahead, his hands around the wheel and says, "Well, look... We could always just drive to Delmont. Ryan was the one who wanted to get to the coast, but... you know. That'd save you from having to hitchhike. Who knows what kind of a murderer or rapist could pick you up."

Spencer looks at him from the passenger seat, lifting an eyebrow. "I've not been murdered or raped so far," he says.

"You just got lucky Ryan and me stopped and not anyone else," Jon argues.

Jon has a bad habit of getting emotionally involved with people he sleeps with. Maybe not emotionally involved, but he gets a primitive urge to start protecting and caring, which is why sleeping with Ryan might have not been a good idea. But Ryan will survive, Jon knows that. He knows Ryan is like him in more ways than one. Ryan will be alright. Spencer, though, Jon is not all too sure Spencer will be alright. Spencer always has that hoodie on, but Jon has seen him naked now. He saw the cuts decorating Spencer's arms, but was kind enough not to say anything of it.

Jon is a good person. He needs to remind himself of that because he always feels like shit these days. But maybe he can redeem himself, one by one. Maybe he can start with driving Spencer to Delmont.

"Brendon, you okay with us driving to Pennsylvania?" Jon asks.

"Um..." Brendon hesitates. "Yeah. I mean, it's a bit of a detour, but sure," Brendon shrugs. He is still trying to pretend he is going somewhere, though they all know he isn't.

Jon doesn't care much for Arkansas either, but then again, he has never been happy anywhere. They keep driving and, just as the sun is setting, cross the Mississippi River. Brendon is glued to the window in the backseat, gasping and pointing because the river is kind of huge.

"We don't get that in Nevada," he explains, and now they all know where he's from. Spencer shifts uncomfortably on his seat and Jon decides to turn up the music.

Jon says they should sleep in the car, but Spencer only pulls out his credit card again. It's his treat, and Jon isn't stupid enough to turn the offer down. Brendon disappears for a while, but soon comes back to the motel room on the outskirts of Memphis. He has a charger with him and he plugs it in, leaving his phone to charge. He glances at it nervously, biting his bottom lip until it's swollen.

"I need some air," Jon decides. He needs to see new faces, be in a place that is not a motel or the car. Jon goes, taking with him the gloomy cloud that always hangs upon him.

Spencer looks through the window, following Jon with his eyes until he disappears from view. "What do you think his deal is?" Spencer asks Brendon.

"Who? Jon?" Brendon asks and shrugs. "I don't know. He seems lonely."

"Yeah," Spencer agrees. Brendon sits on the other bed, because they got a twin room again. Brendon switches on his phone as Spencer asks, "So where in Nevada are you from?"