we're not on the map but we're on our way

1/3

"You don't have a friend in the East Coast," Ryan says for him. "Where are you really going?"

Brendon is slightly unnerved, but says, "Honestly? Nowhere, man. But I mean, that's what you and Jon are doing, right? So it's cool. To be going nowhere," Brendon says in a reassuring voice, trying to tell himself he isn't drowning, not yet, he is still trying to swim.

Ryan says nothing because it's not ok for Brendon to be going nowhere. Brendon speaks a lot, but Ryan can see his opinions aren't his own. Brendon repeats the words of others, most likely teachers, peers, parents. Brendon has been trying to bond with the rest of them ever since they picked him up at Grand Canyon, and, unlike Ryan, doesn't see the temporary nature of their travelling. This isn't going to last.

They get the clothes out of the washing machine and into the tumble dryer. Brendon goes out and comes back with two chocolate ice creams. Ryan appreciates the gesture.

When they get back to the motel, Ryan can sense it but Brendon doesn't. Jon is sleeping on the other bed, the sheets a mess. Spencer is watching TV on mute and nods as a way of saying hello.

"We should get some food," Ryan suggests, and Spencer is happy to oblige. Brendon, who doesn't like to stay still for too long, tags along.

Ryan stays behind and sorts out the clothes, his and Jon's, and, as he moves in the room, looks in the bin. There's a used condom there, and it speaks more than a thousand words. He looks back at Jon sleeping on the bed, the smell of come lingering in the air, and thinks of Spencer's slightly swollen lips and wonders which one initiated it. But it really isn't his business anyway.

Brendon and Spencer come back with brown bags, and the small room is now filled with the smell of grease. They wake Jon up, who sits up on the bed, only wearing boxers. He looks at Spencer, who looks at the TV screen, and Jon turns back to his burger. Brendon bought a highway map, saying this way they can plan and come up with a compromise that pleases everyone; out of Route 66 to the general direction of Pennsylvania, but not too far up north.

"If I get to the coast, I'll be happy with that. I can hitchhike north from there," Spencer says.

"I say we keep going straight. Through Oklahoma, Arkansas, just keep going straight," Ryan says.

Jon takes the map, looking at it. "Yeah. We could be on the coast in four days, with any luck."

"Great!" Brendon enthuses, loving the way he feels like they're a team. The others let him keep his illusion.

They spend the rest of the day channel surfing. Jon goes to get himself a few beers, and Brendon thinks Jon smokes too much and drinks too much, but who is he to judge? Ryan decidedly stays on the bed that has not been used, watching the flickering screen play a rerun of a Mel Brooks film that makes them all laugh every now and then.

Brendon goes for a shower, and Ryan isn't sure why he feels the need to help Brendon preserve his apparent innocence, but he takes the opportunity to say that Jon and Spencer are going to share the bed, because he doesn't want to sleep in sheets they've fucked on. Jon and Spencer neither seem at all bothered about any of it, and neither is Ryan. He doesn't think about it, but when he looks away he can see a mental image of it playing in his head, the way Spencer rode Jon, the way Jon held onto Spencer's hips and bucked upwards, the way they worked themselves up to a sweat. Ryan's never slept with Jon because he hasn't had the urge to. The lazy handjobs have been satisfying enough.

They settle to sleep, Jon and Spencer on their narrow bed, Ryan and Brendon on theirs. Jon reaches to turn the lights off, and the room echoes a round of "Goodnight"s. Ryan wraps himself around Brendon, who tenses at first, but relaxes into it. It's a narrow bed, Ryan justifies the act to himself.