we're not on the map but we're on our way

1/3

Ryan's been on the road for a year and a day. Ryan never kept count, so he doesn't know that his travels have just passed a significant anniversary. He has mostly kept to the West Coast, because he likes it there. If he goes too much inland, he gets claustrophobic, blame it on growing up in the middle of a desert. But he is going inland again because he doesn't know what to do with himself anymore. He sees the deserts and rocks, and it's a bit harder for him to breathe, but he doesn't say anything.

The backseaters have been on the road for two days each. Brendon, in a moment of confusion and desperation, took a bus to the Grand Canyon and got stuck there. Spencer, who had carefully planned what he was doing, had hitchhiked and gotten a ride from Las Vegas to the middle of nowhere in Arizona, where he had got picked up by Jon and Ryan.

"Pull over," Spencer says quietly, "I need to take a leak."

Jon sighs, but pulls over. Ryan and Brendon stay asleep as Jon and Spencer get out of the car. Jon lights a cigarette, the red head of it glowing in the dark. There's a lazy, cold wind ruffling his hair, and Jon leans against the hood as Spencer walks to the side of the road. Jon listens to the plains that surround them, the sound of Spencer's piss hitting the ground, and he can't really see any outlines of mountains in the distance, just darkness. He tries to listen to a sound of a car coming or going somewhere in the distance, but there's nothing there.

"Give me a drag," Spencer says as he comes back. Jon passes him the cigarette and Spencer takes it. They say nothing, because it's Brendon who talks. "Are you tired?" Spencer asks. "I could drive."

"I'm alright," Jon replies. Spencer nods and leans against the car. "Are you old enough to be smoking?" Jon asks in return. They never used to ask, but Brendon's presence has changed the situation.

"I think I am," Spencer replies, and it doesn't mean much. "How long have you and Ryan been together?"

"We're not," Jon replies. He doesn't reply instantly, but he doesn't hesitate either. It's just the truth.

"I heard you guys last night," Spencer replies, and he doesn't seem too affected that Jon and Ryan were getting it on when he was just on the other side of the room.

"You didn't hear much of anything, then."

"Gave me a fucking boner listening to that," Spencer says so casually Jon doesn't know what to make of it. This is more than Spencer has ever said to anyone, and it appears that Spencer hasn't much shame either.

"Well then, next time just join us," Jon says sarcastically.

"Yeah. I think I will," Spencer agrees and Jon can see the red end of the cigarette falling to the ground. Spencer steps on it, and Jon doesn't bitch about Spencer smoking the whole thing.

The clouds in the sky shift out of the way of the full moon, and suddenly the world around them illuminates slightly.

"What's your favourite constellation?" Spencer asks, his breath rising in the air as he looks up to the sky.

"I don't know any," Jon admits.

"Mine's Orion. See, right there?" Spencer says, leans closer to Jon and points to the sky. "That one, shaped like an hourglass, see it?" he asks and Jon sees it. "And then, if you look at the three in the middle, that's Orion's belt. If you follow it that way," Spencer says and points, "you get Sirius. That's the brightest star in the sky."

Jon is mildly impressed by this and he blinks at the brightest star in the sky. It seems to sparkle and glint in the black ceiling over their heads.

"And that one over there, the one that doesn't sparkle at all, that one? That's Venus."