This Feeling

Chapter 11

"Nicole!" I rose up my head and stopped drawing hearts in the sand to look behind me. It was Kyle's mother. "I almost started to panic. I went to your room to call you for breakfast, but I didn't see you. I asked everyone, but they said they haven't seen you this morning."

"I've been here. I just wanted to sit out here one more time."

"I made you some breakfast. You probably won't get another chance to eat until you've boarded your flight."

"Thank you, but I don't really feel hungry."

"Talk to me."

"I'm just drained physically, emotionally, spiritually. I don't have an appetite."

"I know how it can be. I went through the same thing when my husband died in a car accident. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out, but with time I was able to get back on my feet to take care of Kyle. With my son, I knew what to expect but you're never really ready for something like that to happen. I know with God, I'll find the strength to move on again and you will too. I want to know that you won't feel like this forever. Remain prayerful and have faith that you can go back to the person you used to be and even better before."

"Thank you. You actually make me want to stay here a little longer."

"As much as I would love that, you need to get back home. Be in your normal environment and be surrounded by your amazing family and friends. I'll always be one phone call or text away."

"I'm going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you too. Come on, let's go eat. Up, up, up." She pulled me up onto my feet.

"Fine." I smiled.
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I'm really one of those people who arrives at the airport three hours before my flight. The way my anxiety is set up, I can't be stressed about getting my bags checked, going through TSA, and finding my gate in a small time frame. Plus, I always have this fear of a flight leaving an hour before its time. When Kyle's mother was dropping me off at the airport, she handed me an envelope. She didn't tell me what it was, but she said it was from Kyle. I didn't open it until I got home. There were two letters. One was personally handwritten by him and another one from his lawyer.

The one addressed to me from his lawyer stated that he divided his wealth among the three of us: 50% to his mother, 30% to me including his house and cars here, and 20% to charity. I honestly didn't think I would get that much. No amount can compare to having him here with me, but I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. Kyle's letter was everything to me and it was like I could hear him reading it to me.

To my beautiful Nicole,

I'm writing this letter to you with the hope that it brings you comfort as I would have been gone by now. I know in my heart that God sent you to me as my guardian angel during my trying period. You gave me the most real type of love: unconditional. You helped me feel loved and secure, and grow into my best form. I wish things could have been different. I would have loved the opportunity to cry as I watched you walk down the aisle and hold your hand as you give birth to our children. I know in my heart that the love you had for me was true and I thank you for giving me all the love and affection I needed and more. Wherever you're ready, I want you to find the everlasting happiness you deserve and build the family you've always wanted. Don't cry over my loss anymore because I've fulfilled my purpose on earth and I am now free of any physical pain. I'll cherish the moments we shared forever, my love.

With the utmost appreciation,

Kyle Laurent

I stayed in my bed for days without talking to anyone or answering the door or phone. That letter sat on my chest as I twisted the ring he gave me on my finger. I eventually got a special box where I locked the letter inside.