His doll (You play, I play)

Chapter forty five

The smile on Alexa's face falters, and I feel bad immediately, but she needs to hear it.  Amalie isn't rude, or vain. She shouldn't have pushed Alexa, when I saw her do it I got angry – she could've hurt her, she doesn't know as much as I do and I don't blame her but right then and there, I couldn't think about that. Now, I realize why she was acting out.

"I know I messed up, a lot." Alexa says, "but I cared about Luna too."
I nod and squeeze her hand. "I know."

Alexa and Luna had a ... rough start. Alexa isn't good at letting people in, and she hates changes. When Luna entered our life, she didn't accept it and when she saw Xander's attention to Luna, she acted out and she did it recklessly. Things could've have gone way worse if Xander didn't step in to clean up the mess she caused but I also know how much she regrets it. She did grow to love Luna, she just let herself be blinded by her love for Xander.

I still remember her screams when she came down and saw what Xander had done. It took her a long time to accept that he was gone, and so was Luna.

"I miss them." She whispers, and a tear falls down her cheek. I wipe it away with my thumb,
"Me too." I say.

I part my mouth to ask her what happened that day but she stands up and rushes to the toilet. I hear the sound of her throwing up, and rush in.

"Are you okay?" I ask, grabbing her hair,
"I'm f-fine." She says, breathing in.

I hate seeing her like this. She's always been the strong one between us but now, she's just broken. She's sad, and even though she tries to hide it – she's hurt. Both physically and mentally.

She crouches over the sink to wash herself, and her shirt lifts up a little bit. My eyes widen,
"Alexa, what the fuck?" I whisper, in disbelief. She looks at me through the mirror and realizes what I'm looking at, before I can lift the shirt, she slaps my hand away.
"Don't. Please." She says, dragging it down.
"He- he branded you?"

Every fucking day I'm so close to starting a war, and I'm not sure I'll be able to hold back for long. The only reason I'm holding back is the promise I made to Alexa and the innocent soul that doesn't deserve to get caught in this.

"He wanted me to be his forever." She says under her breath, looking at the floor. The worst part in this is that he somehow made her believe that what he did wasn't bad, that it was all fucking normal.
"Did it hurt?" I ask, fighting the anger in me.
"It wasn't the worst part." She says, now looking at me with glossy eyes. "The worst part, are the nights where I'm thinking that maybe.. maybe.."
"You didn't fucking love him, he brainwashed you."

She looks away ashamed again, and I know that my words hurt. I need her to know that whatever the fuck he did was not love, that's not how you love someone. He's a psychopath. I know she doesn't want to talk about it yet, and I don't want to push her. Not right now, I need her to be at her best both mentally and physically.

"Let's go out and get some fresh air. We haven't gone out in days."

                                             **

"I've forgotten how this felt." She says, stretching out her arms and letting the snow fall on her palms, "I've even missed the snow and I hate snow!"
I smile, remembering how much she used to complain about the cold. Then I remember why she hasn't, and I feel that anger in me again.

"Be careful, don't jump too much!" I say, never have I ever imagined that I'd be the one taking the adult role and saying shit like that.
"Whatever you say, Doctor Rodriguez." She rolls her eyes, and I laugh.

We stroll down the streets of Manhattan, and of course Alexa stops at almost every single clothing store at sight. She walks inside another one, and I stop outside the jewelry shop when something catches my attention through the glass.