In misery L.H

Part 9:years

"What is that book?" I asked she looked op and said"I like words.They means a lot of different things to everyone like my love is different from yours and like my dads love is different from my moms and I like what the words and can to you and how certain people hold onto words and let them define you and I like quotes and decent litature and just things that actually have meaning you get me?"she said I could understand her love of litature from that.

"So you just basically write quotes or some shit?" I asked in the realest terms.

"Yes I write quotes and shit" she said with a little airy chuckle.
"Could I read some?" I asked and she looked severely hesitant to say yes and I was starting to really wonder what the book could actually hold and she looked at me took a long drink of her coffee said "they're not uplifting or happy some won't make sense to you and some are weird and unrelated and most are self quotes or Radom thoughts so be prepared" and with that's she slide the book to me and stared. I opened it slowly and looked at the first page and started reading.

"You've always been haunted by the notion that you're wasting your life"

"I will not be your sometimes"

"I hated myself and you and eveything I wasn't,I hated my lack of intelligence and shitty humor,I hated my poor socializing skills and my physical appearance.I hated being alive the most 2:11 Am"

"Why is it that I always felt less lonely when I was alone"

"I kissed the scars on your skin I still think you're beautiful 7:39 Am"

"For I am inadequate 3:07

"Being heartless is so much easier"

"You are okay "

"I'm just waiting for you to miss me"

"Sometimes the person you fall for isn't ready to catch you "

"Does it make you sad?"
"What?"
"The fact that you'll never receive the love you gave her?"

"It could be worse,not sure how but it could be"

"It's not that I want to die
I promise "

"To live is the rarest thing in the world"

"A personal vendetta"

"Sorry I stripped away my own confidence I guess I beat you to it"

"I just now realized why hurricanes are named after people "

I just wished I could love you the way you deserve to be loved.

"Fight the fighter not their wa

"He had the audacity to ask
"Do you feel sad"
"I wouldn't describe it as a sadness more like a painful and inevitable emptiness that consumes me on nights I can't help but think"

"You can't treat people like shit and expect them to love you trust me I would know"

This was all she had written in a thin dark pen on the first page,I felt something in me when I read that.I think it was fondness for her.I was even starting to fall for her in a romantic way and it scared me.I looked up at her and watched her she was just staring at her black mug swishing around the last few ounces of her black mountain coffee that she claimed she would kill a person for.

"I'm not an uplifting person" she said and looked up and she looked slightly pained like I would really judge her "I understand if something like that makes you want to stay away I get it" she said standing up and grabbing the book.I was completely shocked by her reaction and I didn't know what to do she just kinda stumbled out the door and I walked out after her "I know you're not uplifting" I said and started walking after her.god I felt like I was in a movie and we where downtown stranger passed by."why do you talk to me?" She said and turned around I stared down at her,people passed and things where being said all around us but I just focused on her and said "I like you" she looked at me confused and said "how so?" Like it was easy to just say how much you like someone "I like the way you laugh and smile and I like the way you talk and the way you aren't afraid to voice your opinion and I like that you are kinda mysterious and God I just like your person in general cat" I said she looked up at me kinda smiling and said "Hemmo,did you just confess your undying love for me?" And I started blushing and I just pulled her into my chest and said "yeah kitty I think I did" we stood like that for a while until I pulled away and looked down at her she said "I always wanted something like that to happen but I never thought someone could like me because I'm me for I am inadequate " she said and I grabbed her hand and said "we live in an inadequate world and were all trying to make it perfect without destroying our true selves" and I think it's going to be from now on.I pulled out a cigarette but didn't lift it just the oral fixation was enough.Cats hands where extremely cold in the airy afternoon atmosphere.

"Why are you always so cold?" I asked she looked over and said "I have anemia I'm always cold" she said I think anemia is when there's not enough iron in the blood and it causes the person to become weaker. that's would make sense as to why she's constantly cold or shaking.

We get to where I parked my car and I opened her door and she slide in.I got in and started driving towards her house "do you like me back?" I asked she looked over and turned down the stereo and said "yeah Hemmo I think I'll keep you" I laughed and said "how about I take you on a date?" I asked she nodded and said it was ok
I drove her home.Said goodbye and went home.