The four days have been hell on Akshara. Her words keep haunting her, pulling her to her created abyss, pushing her on a guilt trip and she does not stop it. She don't refrain those voice from yelling at her because they remind her of her mistakes but she also does not let it overrule her. The world of tears and pain are not as important as her relationship with Abhimanyu. She remembers her mistakes, the pain she has brought upon Abhimanyu and then she makes pan how to heal him because in the name of love, the man he is has given her his all. His care, his love, his strength and his whole world. He had never took a step back from her until she has pushed him away too far. So now, she will the one to pull him. Because that's her love.
These four days, she had no means to contact Abhimanyu and she is continously on her toes whenever bad weather in Kashmir comes in news. But the no contact helped her reflect on her thought and past mistakes too.
On the other hand, Abhimanyu did not even have time to breath as more cases swamped up after the small earthquake and heavy wind passed away. Patients, cases, injury and exhaustion were in big chunks on his plate. But the silence and no contact helped him.
He got to know that he can live even if one day due to some or many reasons, they decide to get separated then he can live. He also understood that he relies on others especially his mother and Akshara a lot for his emotional validity and he should not be too much dependent as every individual already had enough mess of their own and we should not add to it especially when they are dealing with a lot. His mother had enough with his so called father misbehaviour and Akshara has mishaps with Aarohi which can last a lifetime. He needs to create healthy boundaries for himself and respect her boundaries too.
The silence helped them introspect and accept. And now they will have fasten the seatbelt as they have to face other and have a conversation. Something which has been missing in their relationship from the very start. Because today, Abhimanyu Birla is returning and Akshara Goenka is waiting.
When he came back to Birla house, he came face to face with his sperm donor, DR Harshvardhan Birla and he knew, he need to give him his answers, so before he can walk away, he stopped him."Sir, aapne mere jaate time ek sawal pucha tha ki maine Akshara ko kyu maaf kiya aur aapko kyu nahi par aap ye bhul gaye ki Akshara ne mera dil kabhi dukhaya hi nahi. Maine apna dil khud toda. Akshara ne kabhi mere pyaar ko apnaya nahi jo ki uska haq hai. Uska haq hai ki wo kis se pyaar kare, kise haan kahe aur kise na. Usse pyaar maine kiya tha, haan laga tha ki usko bhi pyaar hai but if it's not a yes, it's a no toh apne dard ka zimmedar main khud tha" He take in a deep breath as he accepted his share of mistake. Continuing, he said,
" Lekin aapne, aapne meri maa se shaadi ki agar pyaar nahi karte they toh aapko unse shaadi bhi nahi karni chahiye thi. Aapko unhe unke hisse ke pyaar se alag rakhne ka koi haq nahi tha lekin aapne aisa kiya. Phir ab aap mere existence se apna contribution toh hata nahi sakte toh phir main hua aur aapne kya kiya, sir? Har din unhe zaleel kiya. Haath uthaya, apni aawaz unki har choti galti par uthayi, samaj, ghar parivar, bacche kuch nahi dekha toh wo aapka haq nahi tha. Aapka koi haq nahi tha ki aap kisi insaan ko uske na galti hote huye bhi uski hi nazar mein usse chota bana de. Aapko koi haq nahi hai ki aap ek 4 saal ke bacche ke saamne uski maa ko neecha dikhaye. Aapka koi haq nahi banta hai, sir ki aap rishto ko itna tod de ki uske tukdo ki chubhan kisi aur ka khoon bahaye." nd with a heavy voice, he went away.
Akshara who had come there to meet Abhimanyu left silently with tears in her eyes. How much pain has Abhimanyu in? How much self guilt he has sent himself? Accused himself of things he never did?
"Mera pyaar meri pareshani tha tab tak thik tha par mera pyaar meri family ki pareshaani ban gaya"
Her own words reverted in her ears and more tears spilled and she was about to loose her balance when someone caught her but that chest was all too familiar, the hands which were on her waist and her caressing her hair, the touch was what she yearned so much, the smell of sandawood and lemons mixed with a bit of sweat coming from a shirt she has grasped has been her favourite from so long that she hugged him tight. "Akshu," the voice melted her in puddle.
"Baba, kya hua?" Abhimanyu who had walked over to the front lawn from the backdoor to cry alone but maybe for the first time, he need not to because his other half is here.
"Abhi, tumne ... tum ne kitna kuch saha aur ... aur maine wo dard aur badha, badha diya," she hiccups. He looks on confused, not understanding what she meant but it did not matter. What matters the most is, he need to calm her down. " Akshu... Akshu follow me and focus on my voice okay?"
"Takes in a deep breath, count, 1...2...3...4..." and he then exhales through his mouth, encouraging Akshara to do the same with his eyes. As they repeated the breathing technique for another 4 times and embraces the steadiness it gave to both of them, they walked towards the table and chair at the side, reserved to enjoy nature.
"Batao, ab kya?" Abhimanyu prodded her to go on.
"Wo main tumse milne aayi thi kyunki mujhe tumse maafi maangni thi aur wo maine sab sun liya," her head was lowered in shame as she became privy to something that was not meant for her to come to news with this soon. "Main sab sun na nahi chahti and when I realised that I should leave you two to sort it out, it was the pain in your voice that rooted me on my place." Her voice was breaking with every syllable. Abhimanyu hands were clapsed in hers, he interwined their fingers, assuring her that she had not done any wrong.
"Mujhe hamesha lagta tha I was the unluckiest in the world... Pehle Maa, phir papa aur phir Sirat mumma... ek ek karke maine sabko khoya hai toh jab main tumhe sir ko aise disregard karte dekhti thi, I used to judge you. Ki tum unke pyaar ko for granted le rahe ho kyunki tumne unhe khoya nahi hai. Ye samjh hi nahi paati thi ki ek bacche ne apne aankhon ke saamne rishtey tootte huye dekha, bikharte huye dekha hai. Ek bacche ne khud ko khud hi bada kiya hai kyunki uske maa-baap bade nahi ho paaye." Abhimanyu leaned back on his chair, the hold on her hand tightend and she looked up with her wet eyelashes, to see his face contort with so much pain, so much suffocation of keeping every hurt inside. And she saw the trail of that betrayed tear which is now weaving a story to tell on his left cheek. She wanted to lean on and wipe them away but she did not move an inch. He needs to cry and she promises herself and him that she will embrace it all.
"Ajeeb baat hai na, tum mera unkaha dard bhi samjh rahe they aur main tumhare kahe huye dard ko bhi tumhara gussa thehra rahi thi?"
"Tumne abhi jo kaha wo sab gusse mein kaha na"
The sentence reverted in their ears in that eerie silence and their eyes, looked on with hurt and pain mixed with guilt and regret.
"Galti tumhari bhi nahi thi, Akshu. Tum uss din bohot chizon se guzri thi"
"Ussi dard se toh tum bhi guzar rahe they na, Abhi?"
And tears slipped from their eyes and they cried. No one asked for forgiveness because the embrace was a promise.
"I promise to give you space and let you set your pace"
"I promise to not wallow in my pain only and not disregard your feelings."
"I promise to be your biggest cheerleader."
"I promise to be your shore."
"I love you, Ms Akshara Goenka."
"I love you, Mr Abhimanyu Birla."
أنت تقرأ
AbhiRa TS: Silence and Conversations
قصص الهواةThey say words once said are like bullets. You could never take them back after pressing the trigger. And her words were trigger to his already burning, scared and tired soul. What happens when triggers are pressed, heart bled and things become li...
