Amid the Clouds (Brave New World Book 1)

Chapter 27

Boring. Ridiculous. A bit scary. Those were the words I would use to describe the scroll.

Boring, because there were no funny cartoons here. No drawings whatsoever. Xan's grandmother must have been a pharmacist or something, because the text she had written reminded me of a prescription, with the side effects of the prescribed pill listed in columns.

Ridiculous, because the described effects were bordering on insanity. You see, prolonged separation of the mates could cause panic attacks, seizurе, death, self-directed violence, severe depression, suicide... And the list – clearly not in logical order - went on and on. What the hell? This was so ridiculous it wasn't even funny.

A bit scary, because the feelings listed under the subheading Signs of Mating Bond's Appearance came pretty close to what I had experienced in bed with Xan. Maybe the list was so exhaustive and in the bullseye simply because female bodies didn't react so differently to a mind-shattering orgasm. But since I'd never come so many times in a row, there was nothing I could compare last night's fireworks with to draw a plausible conclusion.

And then there was the list of feelings under the subheading Short-term Separation from Mate: What to Expect. This one was scarily in conformity with what I was feeling today. Increasing worry? Check. Inability to concentrate? Check. Thoughts of mate overconsuming? Check. Restlessness? Check. Lack of interest in favorite activities? Check.

At least I hadn't experienced loss of appetite yet. Or anger fits, uncontrollable crying and rapid mood swings. If that were the case, what I was reading would no longer be a bit scary but a full-blown horror show.

I mean, for a made-up thingy aimed at preventing gargoyles' extinction, this mate myth crap was quite realistic. When it came to its impact on a woman's feelings and mental state, it was hitting too close to home for a cheesy fairy tale.

Several hours later, even a tropical bath with a view at the sunset couldn't bring me any joy. Nothing was amusing anymore. Not the scroll on erogenous zones with its Kama Sutra-worthy illustrations that I had gone through a second time. Not the surprised looks on the faces of servants when they saw me exploring the palace while munching on cheese. Not even the way the guards' eyes nearly popped out when they saw me in the courtyard, my clothing revealing they now had a queen.

I had the hilarious thought that the sight of my hairy legs was the real reason why they fell to their knees next. But did I laugh at my internal joke? Nope.

When night settled and there was still no news of any of the soldiers participating in the Kill Zombie 007 mission, I was hit by loss of appetite and mood swings. The effects of the mating bond that was supposed to be a myth.

"My Queen should eat something."

"No, Samuin, I can't. My stomach is twisted in a knot."

"Sweets, perhaps? Does my Queen like ice cream?"

"Ice cream?" I sounded like a kid just told she could have any toy she desired. "Ice cream..." This time I sighed, as if realizing this was an impossible dream. "I don't think I can enjoy even that, Samuin." When I spoke again, my voice was laced with anger. "Do you honestly believe ice cream will help? I don't want ice cream. I don't want food. I want Xan back!"

"You shall have him soon, my Queen. He will come back to you." Samuin, ever the vision of calmness and politeness.

"How can you be so freaking calm?" I kind of yelled at him at this point. "You can't know whether he'll return. You know crap!"

"My Queen stands strong before me, not unwell, drained of energy or heartbroken. Therefore, I do not know crap."

"You really believe that I would have felt him die?" My voice was now trembling not with anger but hope. "That he's alive and he's coming back?"

"I already told you so, my Queen." A quick flap of wings. "Shall I bring you the ice cream? You can have it in bed if you like. No need to walk all the way to the dining garden."

"In bed?" One look at the big bed as empty and cold as I felt inside, and tears started welling up in my eyes. "Forget the ice cream! I want Xan back... Oh, Xan..."

"I shall leave my Queen to rest, then. I will be nearby, should you require anything."

"Rest?" I half sobbed, half laughed at that. "You think I can sleep right now? Or at any time tonight?" I chuckled as a thought hit me. "Maybe I should make my contribution to the Mating Bond Scroll, the English version. Those before me haven't added sleep deprivation to the endless list of side effects of short-term separation. I can draw it, so as to add color to that boring piece of paper. It will depict me with bloodshot eyes and big blue circles around–Hold on! What if the readers mistake me for a vamp then?"

Samuin didn't reply, the smart gargoyle. He politely nodded and left me to laugh at my own stupid joke.

A minute later my laughter turned into sobs.

Yep, the mate myth was total crap. I didn't believe in any of it even for a second.

I spent the night pacing in the bedroom like a caged tiger. There was a whole palace for me to pace through, but I preferred to be on my own. The way I had gotten used to being in the early post-apocalyptic months.

My bizarre state was due to hormones, I kept telling myself throughout my pacing session. I would fall asleep any time now and wake up to my normal self, I assured myself.

Daylight found me still awake and close to hysterical. I couldn't just wait and do nothing any longer.

"I wish to speak with the warriors," I said the moment I opened the door and found Samuin standing outside. "Or the guards. Or whoever is allowed to go to the ground and can survive down there."

"Good morning, my Queen."

I narrowed my eyes on him.

"I am afraid my Queen cannot be allowed to do that."

I did not have the patience for this. "Why the hell not, I'm afraid to ask?"

"I understand you wish to leave, my Queen. But this is your home now, regardless of whether my liege has fallen or not."

"I don't wish to leave," I snapped. "I wish to know where Xan is! I have to know what happened, don't you get it?"

"My Queen–"

"Yes, I'm supposed to be your queen," I reminded him. "So I will talk to somebody and I will find volunteers to go scout the location where their king went to. And I will be going with them."

"Impossible, my Queen. Even if volunteers are found, you cannot expose yourself to such danger."

"I have lived in the center of the capital of danger for months," I spat out. "All I need is a weapon, which you can feel free to bring me from the upper section of the wall. Then you will take me to whoever can do the job."

"My Queen–"

"Don't my queen me!" I poked him in the chest. "Move out of my way, Samuin."

He stepped back but not enough to give me room to squeeze past him. "You should not be touching me, my Queen. Your scent on my skin could be my death sentence."

"I will kill you myself, unless you let me get to the warriors."

That was when the frown on his face disappeared and he smiled at me.

Was he, Mr. I-Smile-Once-in-a-Blue-Moon, amused by my threat? Didn't he realize I wasn't joking? Trying to stop me from getting to Xan was not going to end well for him. I felt ready to–

"My Queen can go to the guards in the courtyard," he said, his feet leaving the ground with a powerful wing flap.

"I can?" That had been a quick win against Samuin. "They are allowed to go to the ground?"

"They are not, but they do not have to go anywhere. And neither do you, my Queen."

Understanding dawned on my face.

"Yes, my Queen," his smile broadened, "I just heard the call of the scouts. My liege is coming home."