Halfway Out Of The Dark || The Doctor

Tooth and Claw

"Same difference." the Doctor shrugged.

"You'll explain your presence." the soldiers' captain ordered, "And the nakedness of this girl." He gestured to Rose, who tugged at her hem, embarrassed.

"Are we in Scotland?" the Doctor asked, noting the captain's accent.

"How can ye be ignorant of that?" the Captain asked sceptically.

"Oh, I'm... I'm dazed and confused." the Doctor said in a spot-on Scottish accent, "My wife and I have been chasin' this... wee naked child over hill an' over dale. Ain't that right, ya... timorous beastie?" he asked Rose.

"Och, aye!" she answered in an absolutely hilariously terrible attempt at a Scottish accent, "I've been oot an' aboot."

"No, don't do that." the Doctor told her quietly while the Artist fought very hard not to laugh.

"Hoots mon!" Rose tried.

"No, really don't. Really." the Doctor insisted.

"Will ye identify yourself, sir?" the Captain demanded, keeping his revolver trained on the Doctor.

"I'm Doctor James McCrimmon." the Doctor replied, "From the township of... Balamory."

Rose had to supress a snort at that. It seemed that both Time Lords had a fondness for British children's TV. Just the other day, she'd caught them binge-watching The Basil Brush Show in the TARDIS' lounge.

"This lovely lady is my wife, Nancy." the Doctor continued, nodding his head towards the Artist, who blinked in surprise at that. "We have our credentials, if I may...?" He gestured towards his pocket and the Captain nodded his consent. The trio lowered their hands and the Doctor reached into his pocket and produced his psychic paper, then showed it to the captain. "As you can see, a doctorate from the University of Edinburgh. I trained under Dr Bell himself."

"Let them approach." a refined female voice came from the carriage that the soldiers were escorting.

"I don't think that's wise, ma'am." the Captain answered, still suspicious of the three strangers.

"Let them approach." the voice repeated, her tone leaving no room for argument.

"You will approach the carriage." the Captain told the three time travellers, "And show all due deference."

The Doctor made an acknowledging hand signal and the trio approached the carriage. A footman opened the door to reveal none other than Queen Victoria sitting primly inside.

"Nancy, Rose, might I introduce Her Majesty Queen Victoria." the Doctor said, "Empress of India, defender of the faith."

The Artist immediately curtseyed. "It's an honour, your Majesty." she said.

"Rose Tyler, ma'am." Rose said as she curtseyed too, "And my apologies... for being so naked." she laughed nervously.

"I've had five daughters." Victoria replied impassively, "It's nothing to me. But you, Doctor, show me those credentials." The Doctor obligingly handed over the psychic paper and the Queen studied it for a moment. "Why didn't you say so immediately?" she said, "It states clearly here that you have been appointed by the Lord Provost as my protector."

"Does it?" the Doctor muttered, "Yes, it does! Good, good! Um, then let me ask... Why is your Majesty travelling by road when there's a railway line all the way to Aberdeen?"

"A tree on the line." the Queen answered.

"An accident?" the Artist asked, though she doubted it.

"I am the Queen of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland. Everything around me tends to be planned." Victoria replied primly.