love, charlie

love, harry

One of the main occupational hazards of being a touring musician is missing things. Eventually, people learn to stop sending invitations. Just as well, it gets harder and harder to find new ways to say 'sorry, I've got work'. When most of the people you grew up with have moved out of your small town, onto bigger and better things, home just becomes wherever you manage to stay for more than a month.

And that's fine. That's all Harry can really remember. Life became a matter of watching everyone else's from a distance. Everyone's except one.

Charlie.

Instead of Instagram stories and posts, it was personal photos and little vlogs about her day sent straight to him, for his eyes only. He doesn't know what he did to earn her trust and love, but he has never taken it for granted. Somehow, she was never deterred by his lack of attendance. Congratulatory texts and video calls are thankfully enough for her. Or it was enough, until she got pregnant.

He had worked so hard to show her it's okay to open up and let people in again, and he went and pissed it all away. But he is determined to not let her shut him out again. Which is why he's back at her front door, on four hours of sleep, still exhausted from the show before.

Nothing brings you back down to earth like standing in front of a door after performing in front of five thousand people, hands filled with grovelling supplies, shaking as it raises to knock.

Despite the many women he's dated, grovelling is new to him. He likes to think he's a pretty good boyfriend. He's attentive, patient, and thoughtful. By the time they get to the point where he would need to grovel, he normally already has one foot out the door, so instead of trying to make amends he accepts their fate and ends things. Cruel? Sure. But it's the truth. He's never really loved or cared about anyone enough to want to make the extra effort.

Except Charlie. And Charlie has never been mad at him.

Until now. Justifiably so.

It's not that Harry doesn't want to have this conversation, it's all he's wanted to do since their call, he just doesn't know where to start.

Should he bring up the pure rage he felt upon seeing the pictures of them and Richard? Or is that something he should save for later, after he has figured all of that out himself? He's a jealous guy, everyone knows that, but he's never felt jealousy so ugly and intense like that before, it felt so primitive and guttural; the near uncontrollable urge to remind Richard, and everyone, that Charlie does not belong to him. Problem is, Charlie doesn't belong to him either. And neither does Rory. Less so now than ever.

He used to think he feels so strongly about her because she is a piece of his childhood, a piece of the Harry he used to be, and that's sacred to him. Now, these feelings are undeniably romantic. None of her previous partners ever felt like a real threat because he was always confident that the history they share and the connection they have would be stronger than anything these men would have to offer her. That was until Richard made a baby with her. Talk about a connection.

Those weeks spent with Rory and Charlie were bliss. There hasn't been a day spent without thinking about how they were doing since: whether Rory ate all her breakfast, or whether Charlie found the time to watch an episode of Taskmaster with a glass of wine. And when the domestic got too emotional for him, he would start to wonder what her skin would feel like if he ran his hand under her shirt, or what sounds she would make if he nuzzled his nose in the crook of her neck, peppering it with soft kisses and licks.

But none of that is as important as their friendship. So, until he figures out all of that out for himself, he needs to focus on apologising and begging for forgiveness.