love, charlie

love, rory

This is bad. This is beyond bad, this is terrible. Everything is terrible.

Charlie hopes that her efforts to keep her panic eyes at bay are working, because they are in a crowded park with lots of families around. The last thing she wants is to attract any attention from 'normal' couples.

She has no idea how this happened. How she let this happen. It was just supposed to be lunch with Richard. Just one lunch for Richard to say whatever he had planned to say, and then they would go their separate ways and she'd finally block his number, forgetting that the meeting ever happened.

Instead, however, she finds herself seated across Richard, for the second time, with Rory between her legs, hands circling her waist protectively. She's on guard, of course she is. Her daughter is the most important thing in her life. Her top priority, her only priority. She must put Rory's needs before her own, and if that means giving her an opportunity to know her father then so be it.

The repeated reminders to herself that everything Richard says is bullshit were useless.

"I know I've abandoned you, and her, but I want to make it right. She won't remember all of this, and she'll never have to know, because I'll make up for all the lost time. It's okay if you never forgive me but don't give her a reason to need to forgive me. She doesn't deserve it. Please don't make me hurt her the way I hurt you."

She forgets that they were at one point in a committed relationship, that they used to know everything about each other. The only good thing about your partner walking out of your relationship is that it's easy to get over them, you are too blinded by rage to miss them or reminisce. But he keeps saying all the right things. And while her brain tells her to stay on guard, her heart is more than ready to trust again, eager to return to that confident and self-assured person she was before he left. More importantly, that's how she wants Rory to view her mother, an accomplished and confident woman. Not someone who was abandoned by the people who were supposed to love her unconditionally.

So, when he asks to meet Rory 'as a family', all she can do is whisper a wary "okay, sure", as if every other thought had fled her brain.

Her agreement brings them to the park, on a picnic mat next to the playground.

The wariness has subsided a little. Richard seems to be sticking true to his promise and letting her direct how this interaction would go. She doesn't want to hand Rory to him and send them off to the playground assuming that the little girl would be okay with a stranger taking her away. Sure, Rory was comfortable with Harry almost instantly, but something in Charlie's gut tells her that this isn't the same. Maybe it's because everyone knows Harry is good with kids, he is basically England's most sought after godfather, and Richard happened to run away at the first inkling of a baby. Either way, she reminds herself to push her own skepticism away and take cues from Rory, who so far hasn't really seemed to notice the new man sitting across from her, her attention fully occupied by the toy car in her grip.

How do you introduce a baby to a stranger, Charlie asks herself. It's not like introducing a new pet to your home – Rory is not interested in climbing over Richard and giving him a good sniff to sus him out. The best she can do is try and help him get Rory's attention by prying the car out of her hand and passing it to him. Sure enough, the little girl's eyes follow the toy with confusion, but despite Richard's waving and Charlie's encouragements, all she does is crawl over to him to reach for the car, completely uninterested in reciprocating the greeting.

"Rory, you don't wanna say 'hi' to mummy's friend?" She holds Rory's hand and waves at him, "Say 'hi' Richard."

Rory's arm falls limply in front of her when it's let go off. She simply looks at him with wide eyes, not saying or doing anything.