The Idea of You

fifth.

 "Are you sure you don't wanna come shopping with me? I'll get you anything you want," I said at this point pleading to see my best friend, but my efforts seemed to be in vain.

"I miss you too Belly, but I really can't. I'm not feeling good and even if I was I have so much homework to catch up on from ignoring it for so long, I just need a little more time." I hated hearing that. It always felt like she needed a little more time and I didn't want to be selfish, but I missed her. It always felt like a piece of me was missing or out of place when she would seclude herself like this.

I sighed. "It's okay, I just figured I'd try again."

"I'm sorry Belly. I got to go though, I'll text you."

"Okay, love you."

"Love you too."

I hung up the phone and threw it on my bed trying my hardest to fight back the tears that I knew were about to come. This is so fucking stupid. It's not stupid, but it is. How come Romeo and Bobby got to run around all the time having fun with each other and I was the one left lonely for weeks because Chelsea didn't wanna leave her room to just hang out with me for an hour?

I walked into my closet attempting to keep a cool demeanor as I picked out a pair of shoes that matched my outfit. I tried so hard to help her too when she did this and nothing ever helped. I spent more time at their house and sat on the couch to do my homework after school so that she could maybe slip out of her room to talk for a few minutes or to ask how I was doing or anything. Nothing worked, the most I would get from her were far and few texts and occasionally when I called she would pick up, but always cut the conversation short. It felt like I was getting a cold shoulder from the person who was supposed to be my sister. 

I wonder if white sneakers would match this outfit, I don't exactly have the perfect color brown to match my pants. I think they match, it's cute. Kinda like those outfits cute trendy girls wear that when you first look at it doesn't look right, but the more you look at it the more you realize it looks really good. Kinda? Who cares at this point I've been getting ready for hours.

I fumbled with the sneakers a bit trying not to break a nail before leaving my closet. I probably should've found a purse to bring the whole outfit together, but I don't think I could've cared less about something in the moment than if my purse matched. I did a final check-in with my mirror to make sure I looked acceptable, before quickly shuffling out of my room and down the stairs. 

On my way to the garage, I could hear my parents talking in the office as if trying not to be too loud with the door slightly ajar. Maybe I should tell them I'm leaving. Would they care? Probably not. Against my better judgment though I walked up to the door and knocked softly on the wood before pushing it open a bit, just enough to have them come into view. My mother, whose back was to me, spun around as if I had just caught her in the act of doing something she wasn't supposed to be even though she was just standing in front of my father's desk whilst he was perched in his chair.

"I just wanted to say I'm going to the mall."

"Okay, did you need money?" My father asked before beginning to pat down his pockets.

"No, I'm saying bye."

"Oh, well have fun then."

"I don't know when I'll be home."

"Honey, me and your father we're just wrapping up a very important conversation, just text us when you know okay?" My mother jumped in with an exasperated tone as if I was too much to deal with at the moment. My lips pressed tightly against each other and all I could manage was to nod my head in acceptance before leaving the room.