Gold Rush | Ser Harwin

24.

  "You let it out, my darling," Rhaenys says as she rubs my back. "You let it all out."

Rhaena

  I've come to the conclusion that I like Winterfell. I like that I'm not longing involved in the chaos that was Kings Landing. I'm glad I'm away from Aemond. I've always preferred the colder air. And I've also always preferred to be miserable on my own.

  I don't like people seeing me upset. It's embarrassing. Aemond embarrassed me by making me cry in front of everyone. I'm not a little kid, I don't want to cry in front of people.

  So it's a good thing that I'm in Winterfell alone. I'm not completely alone. But since Eadon and I are not yet married, I spend most of my time alone. I spend my nights alone. Curled on the floor by the fire crying.

   That's where I am right now. By the blazing fire under layers of animal fur. I'm comfy and content. Winterfell is silent and I love it.

  I can't sleep though. I keep thinking about my fathers dead. About how Aemond killed him. Aemond. I loved Aemond for years and he killed my father. I know the truth, I know that Aemond killed him because of me. Because I chose to marry Eadon instead of Aemond.

  I wanted to do my duty. I wanted to do my parents proud. I love Aunt Rhaenyra and I wanted to show her that I support her not Aegon. My plan backfired and now my father is dead.

  I miss him so much. He was the best father a child could ask for. He cuddled me when I was sad, he taught me how to use a sword even though I was a girl, he bought me back trinkets anytime he left Kings Landing. And he loved my mother. I think it's important that a child has parents who love one another. I'm so glad mine did.

A knock of the door makes me lift my head as it opens. Eadon walks in and looks towards the bed. When he finds if empty he looks towards me and he looks surprised to see me lying on the floor instead of in the big comfy bed.

"I've yet to adjust to the night colds," I say as I sit up and pull a animal fur closer to my body.

"Ah, I suppose as I grew up here I never realised how cold it would be for southerners," he says as he sits on the edge of my bed, facing me.

I won't lie, Eadon is very attractive. He has tanned skin and dark hair in a bun at the back of his head. He has a strong, powerful body. He is a warrior. I'm lucky that I get to marry him. He must realise I'm checking him out as he coughs to break the silence. I look back up at his eyes.

"I just came to tell you that I got word from Kings Landing," he begins. "The King is dead." My heart drops. "I thought you'd want to hear it from me." I nod.

"Thank you for telling me," I say as my hands fiddle together. Viserys was my Uncle and I loved him very much. How many losses can a person hold before they finally break?

"Anything I can do for you," he says. "Just say the word. I want to make you happy, I want Winterfell to be your home." I smile at him, a small one, I can't manage much more right now.

"One thing," I say and I pause, wondering if i'm making a terrible decision. "Is there any news on Prince Aemond?" Eadon looks down at the floor.

"No," he says. "But I'm sure he is well. You need not worry." I look away. I shouldn't have asked. He probably thinks my heart still beats for Aemond. It doesn't. I don't think.

"I'm sorry," I say. "Truly. In a matter of days my life has been turned on it's head. Aemond killed my father, I moved here, my uncle is dead. I don't know what to do with myself. Life is changing so fast and I don't know how to slow it down or how to keep up with the change."

"You are not alone, Rhaena," he kneels before me and takes my hand in his. "We will be married soon and I will stand by your side until my last breath. You will never be alone unless by choice. This I can promise you now. I will do anything you ask." His hand touches my face and he wipes away a tear with his thumb.

"I've seen the Winterfell girls," I say. "They are all very beautiful and of noble birth. Why chose me? I am the daughter of a disgraced Princess and a guard. And I'm nothing special to look at. I'm not like my mother in that department. So why me?"

"You don't remember?" He asks and I shake my head. "We met, many years ago. I came to the castle with my father and I was sparring with your brothers and I saw you. You were training with your father. All the other girls were inside, sewing and weaving. But not you. You're different. I've always liked different. When I saw you waving that sword around, I knew I could never settle for an ordinary girl. I could only ever settle for you."

"What a disappointment I must be now," I say and then he kisses me. I don't know what to do so I kiss him back. His hands cradle my face and he pushes me down before hovering above me.

"Wait-" I say and he pulls away, scanning my face. "I'm not- Well I mean, I have laid with a man before. You should know that, If it changes anything."

"I have also laid with another," he says. "It makes no difference. So long as we both promise only one another from now on."

"Alright," I reply and I kiss him back.

When all the furs fall away from my body, I let him warm me up.