Out Of My League

- forty one -

"She can play on tour with me." Billie answered, to my surprise.

I can play? What, on stage? 

My parents were obviously a little surprised at Billie's answer too as they moved their attention from me to her.

"That's all well and good, but you aren't touring forever Billie." my dad replied, in a kind tone so as not to cause offence. "She could have a career."

"I know Jack." Billie replied, "I'm not saying that she can't. I mean she can play on tour until she finds the career she wants. It's more of a short-term thing."

I'm not exactly against the idea of working on tour with her - maybe against the whole playing in front of tens of thousands of people on stage, but I quite like the sound of tour.

"But it's not certain. How do you know that making this decision, on an impulse, is the best idea?" my mum argued back, her voice becoming more brash as she was clearly not enjoying the conversation.

My parent's heads turned to face me. Billie's hand was still rested on my thigh, her thumb moving back and forth - it could either be reassuring for me or just because she's nervous, truthfully I can't tell. I placed my hand under the table and intertwined my fingers with hers, holding her hand.

"You're throwing everything you've worked for away!" my mum continued, raising her voice.

"I know you want what's best for me, or at least what you think is." I snapped, becoming agitated, "But at the end of the day, this is what I want now. If I change my mind, I change my mind, but I'll regret it for the rest of my life if I don't go."

A streak of sharp pains began to spread across my ribs as I became more upset. I tried to ignore them, keeping my head forward, waiting for the reaction of my parents.

They simply looked back at me. I couldn't tell whether they were angry, upset, happy, or anything for that matter.

Their silence continued for a moment, before I couldn't take it any longer.

"Say something!" I pleaded, snatching my hand from Billie's grasp and clutching my ribs to try and stop the pain.

"Y/n calm down." Billie timidly said, placing her hand on my shoulder.

I winced and closed my eyes, trying to focus on my breathing instead of the pain in my ribs.

My mum darted out of her chair and came to my side, kneeling down by the chair and placing a hand behind my back, trying to support it.

"Breathe Y/n." she said, "Billie's right, you need to calm down."

I took a few deep breaths and the pain began to subside. I opened my eyes and relaxed back into the chair, my mum rubbing gentle circles around my back.

"I'm sorry." I uttered.

"Don't apologise." my mum said, "We shouldn't have got so angry. It's just this is a huge risk. You've basically only just met Billie, this is all very sudden."

I know it is, but it feels right. It feels right to me.

I watched Billie as her expression changed - it was clear that my mum's comment had offended her, but it also seemed like she'd reached a point of realisation. Maybe she agrees?

I grabbed Billie's hand again and gave it an encouraging squeeze. A tear fell from her eye and she quickly wiped it away trying to curb her embarrassment at becoming upset.

"I know we're moving fast, but it feels so right." I replied, reiterating my thoughts out loud. "I feel so incredible when I'm with her."

Tears were now beginning to gently fall down my cheek as my emotions overcame me.

Once again, the room fell into a silence. I had one hand in Billie's and one in my mother's, my Dad still sat across the table.

"Go if that's what you really want." my Dad suddenly suggested.

We all turned to face him in complete synchrony, shocked at what he just said.

"It's obvious how much she means to you." he continued, referring to Billie. "If it was me, I'd do the same for your mum in a heartbeat."

A smile began to form on my mother's face as her cheeks turned rosy. 

"He's right you know." she admitted with a little chuckle at his comment. "What you choose to do with your life is down to you, not us."

I leant over the chair and pulled her into a hug. She moved her grip from my hand and wrapped her arms around me, holding on tight.

"A little less harsh!" I exclaimed as she was squeezing my ribs. 

"Oh, sorry." she said with a sense of urgency, immediately loosening her grip.

"You too!" she said as she held her arm out to Billie, beckoning her to join in, before turning back to my dad. "And you."

We all embraced each other for a little while.

"I'm lucky to have you as my parents." I shared.

I couldn't really ask for anything more. All they've done is accept me and what I want to do, especially over these last few months.

"I know we're just so amazing." my Dad jested, pulling away and dramatically pretending to flick his hair as if he had long locks of it.

Us girls stared in confusion, erupting into fits of laughter at his horrendous joke.

"A hair flick? Really?" I asked in-between laughs. "I didn't think that was your style."

"You're old man isn't that boring." he happily replied, obviously proud that he'd made a good joke.