You Weren't Supposed To Know About This...

Gwen

Dear diary,
It still hurts. Esther hurt me again, and she kept threatening me. She kept telling me not to tell my wife or she'd kill me. I don't know if it's a lie but I can never be sure. It feels like I'll die when she threatens that. And I'm getting older so soon. If she doesn't kill me soon, then someone will. She calls herself this angel, which is really just an excuse for her to torture people. But she just keeps beating me. I just want it to stop, it hurts. The splitting headaches, my blood just splattering all over the place, the way she screams at everyone, the bruises, and all of the little cuts on my arms. She said they were from my punishment for being disobedient. I can't remember what my punishment was. I only know that if I try hard enough, maybe, she'll let me live long enough to figure out what happened.
I keep telling her no, please don't hurt me anymore. Please, please, please, please, don't hurt me anymore. I beg her with everything in me, every single fiber of my being. She always makes fun of my words, she tells me that's how they work in Hell, that there's no begging for mercy, no forgiveness. It's how they got their powers back though. She says if I can just pray, I can get some answers. When I say no, she hits me, sometimes even more than she already does, and yells at me. She raped me earlier, and it still hurts. But she forced me not to tell my wife. I have to, but she keeps watching me. It's killing me and she knows it. I feel like she wants me to break, but every time I close my eyes, I see her. My eyes are red, she told me, from crying and blood running down my cheeks. I hate her, I wish she would just leave me alone, but she won't do that. I just want her to leave me alone, for good. I want to tell Wolfie, but Esther will just beat me more if I do. Please just make if stop. Someone. Please. I have to clean up, but I just hope someone stops her, so I don't have to tell Wolfie. Not just because Esther orders me to, but because I can't begin to imagine the look on their face when I tell them something about it that I could've told them sooner. They need to know, but I don't want them to be upset. Wolfie has already told me that they wouldn't get upset, or angry or anything like that, but I still can't tell them. If I did, Esther would know, and she'd kill me like she said. But she might also hurt Wolfie, and I refuse to imagine them covered in blood, crying and screaming. I might as well just keep the pain to myself, I don't want them knowing anything about it.

-Gwen