Bittersweet

I do not forgive you

"Let God into your heart, for He will heal you.
Let Him into your soul, for He is worthy to criticise.
Let Him into your crevices, for He sees that you are
true."

Where was he when I prayed to him?
I only felt betrayal and the lights were dim
Carpal tunnel from the hands I rubbed,
Bloody knees from the weight I carried

A part of me died that night, still waiting to be buried.
I didn't need a funeral, for there would be a priest
For he is under his law,the God I call a beast.

Would I like a cemetery? Where would my grave be?
I see a dead body, is it truly me?
Will I be buried in dirt, deep in the soil?
I'd rather be the water, so I can be boiled.

I'm scared, the underground sounds scary.
"How scared are you?" he asks, I answer "Very",
But I'd rather be under, dirty and flawed.
For there's probably no up, and there's probably no God.

He asks for forgiveness, "I'm sorry for not showing up"
"What is it?" I ask, I see him palming a cup
"I can make you water, so you can be boiled
There's no dirt,no soil and no ground involved"

Gathering my thoughts, I finally speak up:
"I do not forgive you, for you showed up late
I can see my name, and it's on my grave.
I can see my body, it's already decaying
Down there was a child you were betraying."

"Please have faith in me" that's what he demands,
It's not reassurance, it's more of a command.
"I don't believe you anymore ,
I would still have faith, if you showed up before."

I tell harshly while looking in his eyes,
"If you really exist, and the prophecy is true
I'd rather rot down here and experience doom"

I opened up my eyes, yet I was still on my knees
I opened up my hands, I finally felt at ease.
"I got my answer" I said out loud
I can proudly say I don't believe in God.