Basically my life

I hate this

I fucking like him okay. This is a thing. It's super sucky thing, but a thing none the less. I hate myself for it because I know he never liked me like this. Heck I don't even think he likes being friends with me? But for fucks sake he wont even friends with benefits with me anymore I feel like everything is crashing down and honestly I shouldn't. I should be able to sit here and be like fuck him. I have before, but I don't want to. I want him to message me. I want him to come to my house when no ones home. I want him to kiss me and touch me. I want him to hold me. I want to fall asleep with him. I want to loose my virginity to him. I want him. And tbh I can't remember what I told you guys his name was, I think it was Peter, idk. But I need him. I need to talk to him. I need to fight with him. I need him to make inappropriate comments, that shouldn't but always do, make me smile. I don't even need him to tell people. I don't need anyone to know. I just need him. I want him so bad its kinda hurting right now, but I don't mind so much. The pain is nice. But it's still pain. And honestly guys he has the cutest butt and I just want to grab it so much. Writing this is better I feel kinda better. He'll probably come back, he usually does. And I probably shouldn't let him, but I usually do.