Alright, hey guys and guys with pussies, today, I'll be talking about Jade Cardgil.
Yes, the Jade Cardgil, she needs no introduction since she's overrated as fucking shit and she likes to say that she's a bitch every day of the week. Every time she says "I'm that bitch", I wonder if she's talking about how much a selfish asshole she is outside the ring.
She needs to drop the title. I don't care about Tony Khan giving her the BS booking, I just want her to drop the title and give the other women a fucking chance.
Her matches always drive me to sleep because it's always big boot, "I'm that bitch", Jaded, and, checks notes, fuck you and have a nice day!
Seriously, Cardgil's booking is one of the reasons why my cat hates me, like, she's a selfish bitch, literally. I heard she's just exactly like Britt Baker outside the ring: egotistical, rude, and always having Tony's dick up her ass.
She's like Santa Claus, she climbs down your chimney to take a giant shit on your living room floor while eating the cookies and milk that was intended to be for Santa.
I wonder if she ever listens to her own voice whenever she cuts a promo every fucking Wednesday and Friday of the week. Literally, I'd rather listen to Ray Charles explaining what colors are for six hours than listen to a Jade Cardgil promo.
If I had a nickel from every word she spoke in her promo, I'd be a fucking millionaire by now so I can buy the most expensive diamond ring and propose to my girl on Christmas Eve in the mountains.
Jade possibly took steroids to look like an unstoppable monster and I bet she has a lot of guys laughing about how every bit of a clown she is until they ejaculate.
When Jade opens her mouth in a sarcastic gasp, she looks like Jodie Foster when she walks into a lesbian bar, but sadly, there's no way to prove that because I think after every AEW Dynamite or Rampage, she has a threesome with Kiera Hogan and Leila Grey in the locker room, just to prove that she doesn't care about anyone but herself.
Listen to one of her promos and prove me wrong.
I've never felt the urge to commit a hate crime so much in my life.
Not even a simple request of dropping the title can ever make her shut the fuck up and get humbled for once. She's just like Jen from Hell's Kitchen, such a clown to the point that she believes she's popular and a trailblazer. Problem was that she's been replaced by Saraya when she was in WWE and now in AEW.
To me, Jade should consider retirement because she's in her thirties and she started a year ago. Eric Bichoff did say in the Goldberg documentary on A&E's Biography: WWE Legends that guys starting a pro wrestling career in their early thirties is very late. While DDP and Goldberg were successful stories, Jade isn't in my view.
She's not a legitimate Champion, she's a black John Cena, repetitive in every promo, moveset, and catchphrase.
Why is Jade so boring? Because she wants to be.
Don't think I'm being racist towards her, I'm not. Instead, I'm shitting on her career in wrestling so far and it hasn't been that great since she won the TBS Championship.
Jade is nothing more than the biggest joke in wrestling history, not just in AEW history.
I really wish that Jade had thought about her attitude towards others and started having a new mindset, but I know that she's gonna rub the title in everyone's fucking face just so they don't have to look at hers. I feel like her nose is the size of queen chess piece.
Jade looks like my late grandmother when she was young. Her hair looks like she dyed it in jizz and called it a white hair dye.
Her left eye looks like it's trying to fly away from her face. Her other eye looks like it wants nothing to do with her. Her mouth is so big she might eat the entire Field of Dreams baseball field. It's so giant, she might fit over a thousand dicks, one of them Tony Khan's.
You know what, I've had enough of tonight. I'm gonna be watching NXT Halloween Havoc tomorrow and get started on smoking a couple pork butts and make some homemade BBQ sauce so I don't have to worry about Cardgil anymore for right now.
And would I be a fan of her? No. Fuck that bitch, I don't like her.
