How Not to Vampire - Season 2

20: You Can't Resist the Touch of Evil

"He's gone," I said in wonder, and Louise gave the thumbs up. "Oh my gods, he's actually gone!"

Louise worked to loosen my straps while she talked. "You're wearing a pure silver amulet chain around your neck. It had to be a complete circle to work, so it had to be melted shut. Doreen found all of these different stories about using silver against vampires, and as usual, the details are wrong. If you know how to read between the lines, you can see that the stories all had one thing in common."

I pulled on my vague knowledge of vampires that I had gleaned from movies and comic books. "Isn't silver supposed to burn or something? Or was that only for werewolves?"

"The Lore says it's supposed to burn a vampire and render them unable to move. Its actual use, however, is to prevent against psychic attacks from vampires. Little known fact."

"So it gives people a plus ten against vampire psychic attacks."

"If you want to put it in a complete nerd context, then sure."

I sat up and felt the flexible round band around my neck. I'd half expected it to burn my fingers, then mentally slapped myself. The chain rested on the bare skin of my neck and would have burned my skin already. It was surprisingly cool to the touch.

Louise continued. "It also gives us vampires a similar protection—"

"Which is why Crusty-the-fucked-up-vampire is out of my head!" I finished for her. "Holy shit, this is amazing. I could hug yo— what the FUCK IS THAT?" I yelled, jumping up on the bed and pointing at the twisted thing in the corner of the room behind Louise.

Louise jumped as if I had yelled "mouse" and ended up on the bed with me, trying to see what I was hiding from.

"What? What is it? I don't see anything!"

"Right there! In the corner!"

"I'm looking at the corner, you twat!"

"It's right in front of you!"

"Well, I don't see it! You're taking the piss, aren't you?"

I pointed to the dark shadow with its long inhuman limbs and red eyes that glared hatred at me from the corner of the room. Its lip curled in contempt, revealing the memory of sharp teeth that promised a slow and painful death. Somehow it felt familiar--

Holy shit.

"Holy shit," I breathed, not looking away from the shadow. "That's Ibrahaim, right fucking there."

Louise shook her head in wonder as she got down off the bed. Obviously, she still couldn't see a thing, but she was taking my word for it and being cautious. "You can actually see him then? Right there?"

"Yeah, fucker is right fucking there." I gave the shadow a defiant middle finger. "At least he's not in my head anymore, but damn, that's really fucking disturbing." A thought occurred to me. "Is he always going to be there? Because that's going to make masturbation really not fun."

"And we are officially changing the subject! Claude! Doreen!" Louise yelled out. "Get in here!"

"Claude is here?" I couldn't help the stupid grin that threatened to split my head in half.

Claude stepped into the doorway and waved casually, a half-eaten cookie in one hand.

"Want a cookie, dude? Doreen made a fresh batch."

"With or without the drugs?" I sulked, planning revenge. "It was your idea to drug me, wasn't it? What the hell was that anyway?"

"A flower called Devil's Breath, courtesy of Countess Vera," Claude replied and stuffed the rest of the cookie into his mouth. "She says hi, by the way."