How Not to Vampire - Season 2

19: Symphony of Heartless Destruction and Other Sad Songs

"Bobby?""Mister Ang?"

We spoke at the same time, Jaime's dad and myself having that shared moment of brain synchronization that had made us like each other almost immediately. Much to Jaime's affectionate annoyance, we had simply vibed instantly. It was almost like we could read each other's minds.

"What the hell are you doing here?" That was both of us talking at the same time again, like a bad sitcom where whacky shenanigans were about to occur and Ashton Kutcher was waiting to pop out from stage left.

Mr. Ang slapped his forehead, wincing. "Get out of my brain!"

"You get out of mine! It's already crowded in here!"

We glared at each other, daring the other to speak first and not say the same thing. Truthfully, I was trying really hard not to break out laughing. I could feel the growing irritation from Ibrahaim at the situation.

I took the plunge, knowing how guilty I looked.

"I swear I'm not stalking your daughter!" "Are you stalking my daughter?"

Once again at the same time.

"Oh ai yah!" Mr. Ang swore in frustration. He shook it off and raised his fists. "Sorry Bobby. I'm going to have to do my fatherly duty and kick your ass."

Ibrahaim had made up his mind. Kill the human. He smells like death anyway.

"Time out! Time out! Can we not do the kicking ass part and say that you did?" I asked. "I've had my ass kicked enough tonight. Please."

Mr. Ang shook his head and took a good look at me. He lowered his fists, clearly not liking what he was seeing.

"What the hell is going on with you, son?"

"Way too much to be honest," I admitted. Ibrahaim slinked back into my head, definitely sulking at not getting to kill anyone.

"You look different Bobby. Stronger, but there's something about your eyes?"

The smell was getting to me, even masked as it was by the burning cloves. It was the smell of rotting meat.

It is the black death, Ibrahaim supplied helpfully. He is not long for this world.

"How long have you had cancer Mister Ang?" I blurted, and then wanted to pull the words back immediately.

The shocked look in his face told me all I needed to know. I had been way too accurate even in my ignorance. I watched Mr. Ang's face go white.

"How do you know about that?" Hiis voice was husky, shaken, barely audible. "Jamie doesn't even know. How did you know?"

"Dad?" Jaime's filtered voice startled both of us, and I swear I almost peed my pants. Mr. Ang held up his phone to show that he was on a call and had been all this time. Jaime continued: "I heard voices. Who are you talking to?"

I frantically gestured at Mr. Ang not to say anything about me, but he just shook his head mournfully at me. It was like all of the the energy had been taken out of him at my words, and his admission that I was correct and that he was dying.

Fuck.

"Bob's here. I think you need to come out here and talk to him."

Silence from the phone, then: "I'll be right there."

"Why did you do that?" I squeaked at him, my voice way higher than I had intended.

Now can we kill him? Ibrahaim slimed.